Catalyst
by blueorchids
Summary: The story Catalyst is based on the flash back sequence showing the first disastrous introduction between the characters Burke and Cristina. It does not follow their story as it unfolds on TV, but is my own take on what could have happened later that night
1. Chapter 1

Catalyst

Chapter 1

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

It rained on the day she first landed in Seattle. Cold. Wet torrential rain. The city, she thought, never disappointed her. All she ever heard prior to coming here was how wet and miserable Seattle's weather was. It never deterred her. In fact nothing ever deterred her once she had her mind made up. She was a knowledge junkie, a girl who would go anywhere to gain the knowledge she seeks. That thirst for knowledge had taken her to many places but was never quenched. And so, armed with three degrees from three different universities she arrived at what she believes would be her final stop, Seattle Grace Hospital.

For a girl born and raised in the tropical climate of Southern California, Seattle seemed way out of place. She didn't care. She didn't follow any established paths. She blazed her own trail. Have been blazing trails since she was a preschooler. The youngest in every class, the smartest, the valedictorian, the one voted most likely to succeed. These were all accomplishments that made her parents proud and her peers jealous. The drawback to being smart however, was loneliness. She was never very close with anyone. She made a few friends but were never quite sure if people befriended her for herself or because she was known as the smart kid. Teachers loved her. Every single teacher she's had from kindergarten to her professors in college praised her respect of authority and her work ethic. They all wished all their students were more like her. They offered her no challenge, she learned for the sake of learning and excelled because she loved to. No one could have predicted that in Seattle she would meet a teacher so different from the others. A teacher who would push her and challenge her and force her to not just think but to feel. To open her eyes to all of life's possibilities no matter how scary they may be. Med. school taught her theory. He would teach her about life.

That rainy day in Seattle was not her first visit but her third. She had visited the city on two other occasions to finalize her acceptance into the Surgical Internship Program and to find a place to live. On both those previous visits her mother accompanied her. This time around she was alone, no family, no friends, no past in this city, nothing but the promise of a bright future, a new canvas on which to paint the story of her life. That was one of her reasons for choosing Seattle over all the other hospitals quick to offer her an internship. She had choices, but Seattle had history. After all, this was the hospital where the famous Ellis Grey practiced her craft, the place where one of the world's most renown cardiothoracic Surgeons calls home. Seattle represented an opportunity to be among the best and the brightest Medical school graduates in the country. A place where she could lay down roots and make new friends. A place where she could be one of the, instead of, the brightest. Fitting in was on her agenda this time around. She'd done the loner thing and it served its purpose. Now she was ready to build relationships and cultivate friendships, but for her it would not be easy. Years of constructing a protective wall around herself would not be easily forgotten.

It's raining again today. The mixer to welcome the new interns to Seattle Grace was in full swing. From her vantage point across the room she could see all the action. This is definitely not where she wanted to be. Hob knobbing with the medical fraternity was not exactly her idea of having a good time. She would much prefer to be in an operating room experiencing an actual surgery. After all that was the primary reason she was in Seattle. Her attention was drawn to one corner of the room where a man was standing talking to a woman. Nothing unusual about that, except the man seemed vaguely familiar. He was impeccably dressed, tall, and though she couldn't see his face clearly, she was sure that he was good looking. At one point the chief of surgery came along, took the man aside and they appeared to be in deep conversation. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't notice that she was no longer alone until she heard the voice.

"Gives new meaning to the phrase tall dark and handsome doesn't he?"

She turned around, surprised to see a fellow new intern standing next to her smiling. The girl stretched forward her hand and introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Meredith."

She took the other girl's hand tentatively and answered. "I'm Cristina."

"So where are you from Cristina?"

She looked at the other girl curiously before answering. "California. How about you?"

"I actually lived here as a child but moved away for a while. I've just moved back."

"So, who's the guy?"

Meredith looked at her curiously, "What guy?"

"Mr. Tall dark and handsome."

Meredith turned to face her with a surprised look on her face. "You really don't know! Where were you during the introductions?"

"I went for a walk." She answered, not wanting the other intern to know that she was not feeling well. " It's a bit stuffy in here."

Meredith's tone changed, she sounded more serious. "That guy is someone who could possibly play a big part in the success of our internship here. He is extremely good at his work, but from what I hear, you don't want to be an intern in his OR. He is very tough on interns and is not above embarrassing you in front of everyone."

That bit of information did not scare Cristina, in fact it pleased her. She admires arrogance, especially in people who can back up that arrogance with fact. "You still didn't tell me who he is."

"That is Preston Burke, he is the . . . "

"The Preston Burke?" Cristina asked excitedly, "I can't believe this. He is the one person here That I would like to meet. I can't believe I missed the opportunity. I probably read every article written about him."

"You read articles about him?"

"I read medical journals, don't you? Besides, I did my own research on this hospital before coming here."

"I guess being from around here, I already knew the history so I didn't have to read about it."

Both girls got silent. Each caught up in their own thoughts. Meredith was the first to break the silence.

"There's a bar across the street, wanna go for a drink?"

Cristina thought about the other girl's proposal then shook her head. "No, I think I'll be leaving soon."

"Okay then, I'll see you tomorrow."

With that Meredith left but half way across the room she turned around and shouted to Cristina. "I'm glad I met you Cristina. I think we're going to be good friends."

Cristina smiled, she liked Meredith instantly. She was friendly and easy to talk to and did not put on any false airs.

With Meredith gone, Cristina turned her attention to the corner of the room where Preston Burke was speaking with the chief. The Chief was no longer there but the good doctor was now sitting down talking to the same woman he was speaking with before. She wanted to go over and introduce herself but she didn't want to interrupt. She wondered if the woman was a doctor at the hospital as well. If that was the case, the woman may not be offended by a new intern coming over to introduce herself. From where he sat Cristina had a much better view of Dr. Burke's face. He is handsome, she thought. None of the pictures of him she had seen did him any justice. He was much better looking in person, chiseled with a cleft in his chin and those very intense dark eyes. He could be the poster boy on GQ Magazine. She shook her head. This is not what she was here for. She didn't care how good looking he was. The part of his anatomy that interests her was his brain. His knowledge. She would give anything to watch him work, learn from him. He was the best and she wanted to be the best.

In a split second her mind was made up. She would go over and introduce herself. Gradually edging closer, she was like a tigress waiting for the perfect moment to pounce on her prey. Tissue in hand. She removed the chewing gum from her mouth and moves closer. Dr. Burke realizing that someone had invaded his space, looked up and for a split second their eyes met. Something about him unnerved her and she became nervous. The introduction was surreal. He treated her like an imposter and she babbled on about some procedure he performed. In the middle of her babbling he turned and whispered something to his companion. They both looked at her with what could only be described as disdain. His only words to her were "yes, thank you." In reference to her compliments about the procedure he preformed. How it was possible for anyone to make the words _thank you_, sound like an insult was beyond her. But he did. Nothing prepared her for that kind of reaction and in that moment, she hated him. His female companion was no better, maybe she was his wife or his girlfriend but whoever she was, she was not pleased with Cristina's interruption. The look on her face was more telling than any words she might have said.

Ordinarily, she would not allow anyone to treat her that way and get away with it. She would have been just as insulting as they were. Instead she swallowed her pride. This was not an ordinary situation, this was Seattle Grace, she was a new intern and in a few days he would be her boss. Just thinking about him being her superior was enough to make her sick. The headache she felt coming on earlier was now full blown and suddenly Meredith's invitation to the bar seemed more appealing. She headed across the street with the intention of finding her new friend but when she got there, Meredith was nowhere in sight. Sitting on a stool at the bar, she took inventory of her surroundings. The place was almost deserted and aside from the friendly bartender who introduced himself as Joe, there were very few patrons around. She ordered a drink and sat for a while just staring at it but not drinking. Joe came over and ask if everything was okay and to avoid being dragged into a conversation with him, she started to drink. She hated conversations with bar tenders. In her eyes they pretended to be amateur-psychologist, prying into other peoples business. Finishing her drink, she ordered another and then another. Before long she had finished three.

Joe, concerned for the newcomer sitting at his bar approached her again, and asked "Is everything okay"

She glared at him. "If you're trying to pick me up, you're wasting your time."

Joe laughed, he had never been accused of trying to pick up one of his customers before, especially one of the female persuasion. "Trust me. You're not my type. I just wanted to know if you'd like me to call you a cab."

"Thank you but I don't need a cab, My ride's across the street."

Joe understood. "Oh, so you work at the hospital, you must be new, are you a nurse?"

She glared at Joe again, this time with venom in her eyes. Joe would never forget that look. "I don't start working until tomorrow. I went to a function near by and don't ever call me a nurse again."

"So you must be one of the new interns. I heard they were having a mixer. I hope to see more of you around here."

"You may, but I wouldn't count on it. I'm not a big drinker."

Joe looked down at her empty glass. "Well you've had your share tonight."

She got up from her stool, popped a piece of chewing gum in her mouth and exited the bar.

As she walked toward the parking lot she began to feel a little light headed, her stomach began to churn and she began to feel dizzy. The parking lot, although not completely dark, lacked sufficient lighting and she forgot where she parked her bike. After walking around for several minutes she still couldn't find it. The stomach cramps she felt before was getting worse, she felt nauseous and was sweating profusely. She bent over, gripped her stomach with both hands and started to vomit. When it was over, she looked around to make sure no one had seen her, then started to walk away. After a few steps the nausea hits again and she clutched her stomach, stooped down and started to vomit all over again. She started to talk to herself, not realizing that she was actually talking out loud. "Why do I always have to prove my mother right? ..."

"So, we meet again Dr. Yang."

For a moment she thought she was hallucinating. It couldn't be. She had heard that voice only once before but would know it anywhere. Still clutching her stomach, she turned around to face him. At the same time he moved a little closer to her. She looked up, saw his face and suddenly a wave of nausea hits her, she retch and vomited all over his feet.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

She awoke feeling disoriented and dazed. Her head hurt so badly she felt as if someone was beating drums in her head. She felt strange, her bed felt strange, and her surrounding . . . She jumped up suddenly, this was not her bed, it was not her apartment either. She looked around frantically. This was definitely not her apartment. The place looked sterile. Everything seemed to have a place and everything was in its place. The room was sparsely furnished with furniture that was simple but seemed to be expensive. It was spotless, not a very warm place but certainly not cold either. She looked at the other side of the bed, there was a pillow but no indentation and that side of the bed was still neatly made. She let out a sigh of relief, whomever the apartment belonged to, did not spend the night in the same bed as she. One thing was certain this was not a woman's apartment. The place definitely lacked the feminine touch. Where am I she thought to herself, and how did I get here? She ran her fingers through her hair and noticed that she was wearing a shirt which was much too big for her. What happened to my clothes? Whose shirt am I wearing? All questions she asked herself without any answers Trying hard to remember where she was and how she got there, her mind drifted back to the night before and gradually her memory began to return.

She remembers leaving the mixer to find Meredith at the bar. She remembers drinking more than she should and getting sick afterwards. She remembers trying to find her bike in the parking lot. She remembers being assisted to a car by someone. She still remembers the scent of him. He smelled good, and he promised to take her home. She remembers throwing up and being held by arms that were so strong. She remembers the soothing voice of the stranger asking where she lived and if he could give her a ride. She remembers someone gently washing her face and coaxing her to drink coffee, and then . . . oblivion

That was the last thing she remembered, until waking up a few minutes ago in this strange bed. She tried to get up but she was still very groggy. Somewhere, someone was making freshly brewed coffee and the smell permeated the room. She was trying again to get out of bed when he entered the room. She blinked and rubbed her eyes, blinked again, not believing what she was seeing. He stood at the door holding two steaming cups of coffee in his hands. Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, he appeared much younger, less intimidating. As he entered the room, she sank back further into the pillows as if to be as far away from him as possible.

"So you're awake?" he asked her sarcastically

At the sound of his voice she quickly pulled the sheets up about her. "Where am I?" She was trying desperately to remember.

"Good question Dr. Yang. Where do you think you are?"

"Somewhere I'm not supposed to be." She said under her breath but he heard her.

"Well to answer your first question, you're at my home."

"How did I get here?"

He seemed surprised by her question. "You don't remember?"

"I was sick, you saw me in the parking lot and said you would take me home. This is not my home."

"I said that I would take you home. I didn't say whose home. Besides I don't know where you live."

"You could have asked me."

He handed her a cup of coffee, "Here, drink this, it will help."

"I don't want your coffee. I want to go home."

"There's the door." He indicated the direction to the door with his hand.

She started to leave the bed only to remember she was wearing his shirt. " Where are my clothes?"

"Right now they're in the dryer."

"And this?" she indicated the shirt. "How did I get into this?"

"How do you think you got into it? I changed your clothes." He noticed the look of alarm on her face. "Come on Dr. Yang, don't be alarmed, I'm a doctor, remember, I see naked bodies every day."

"I don't care how many naked bodies you see. You had no right to undress me."

"You had no right vomiting in my car either but you did, and on me and on yourself. You may have been too drunk to notice how awful that smell was but I wasn't."

"You should have left me in the parking lot." She was embarrassed by his comments. She hated vomit and could only imagine how he felt.

"I should have, but I took an oath once. First do no harm."

"Well, I'm not your patient."

"I didn't think of you as my patient, more like a stray cat who needed to be rescued before it harms itself."

"You should have left my clothes on, who knows what else you did to me."

He was insulted by her comments and anger flashed in those dark eyes.

"Dr. Yang, I took your clothes off because they were wet, with vomit and they smelled awful. I was not going to let you sleep in my bed like that. As for what else I did to you, if I did anything other than take care of you last night, you would know. Trust me on that."

She looked away from him, thinking about what he said. For some reason she believed him. He didn't seem the type who would take advantage of a woman.

"If I was incapable of telling you where I lived you could have checked with the hospital."

Dr. Burke looked at her and shook his head "I am sure the chief of surgery would be very interested in knowing that one of his newest interns was found in the hospital parking lot drunk the night before she is supposed to start working."

She became very quiet, the magnitude of her predicament finally sinking in. She realized that he was right and that she should be thanking him instead, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging that he was right.

"I wasn't drunk. I just didn't eat anything all day yesterday and . . . "

"Save your excuses Dr. Yang, there's nothing you can say that can justify your actions last night. For someone who said she didn't eat anything all day, you certainly had a lot in you to regurgitate."

Cristina was on the verge of crying but she was determined not to get emotional in front of him. "Look. I'm sorry I ruined your night. I'm sure your girlfriend isn't happy about it."

"She is not my girlfriend." His reaction surprised her, she assumed that the woman he was with the night before was his girlfriend. She didn't see any rings so she was sure they weren't married.

"Too bad, you make a perfect couple."

"How's that?"

"You both look down your nose at people and you each seems to be your own favorite person."

"You are very judgmental, aren't you?" He handed her the coffee. "You are in no position to judge anyone."

"I call them as I see them."

"I wish I could stay here and chat with you but I have to go to work so here are your options. You can tell me where you live so that I can take you home or I can call you a cab."

"You can take me back to the parking lot so I can get my bike."

"I have the keys to that death trap you call a bike and I have no intention of giving it back to you until you're in a position to ride it."

"How did you get my keys?"

"During your drunken stupor you mentioned something about a motor cycle. It wasn't too hard to find. It was the only one in the parking lot . . . I took the keys so you couldn't sneak back there and try to ride it."

She resented the tone he took with her. "I told you I wasn't drunk. And you don't get to tell me what I can or can't do, you're not my boss yet."

"No, I'm not your boss, Dr. Yang, but last night I was your babysitter. Because of you I didn't get much sleep and I'm due at the hospital in thirty minutes. You are due there in three hours. Get dressed, go home and show up for your first day of work on time."

The arrogance in Dr. Burke was at the forefront again and Cristina didn't like it one bit. "Don't talk to me that way. I didn't ask for your help."

"And you're ungrateful too."

He picked up a notepad from his night stand and started to write something on it and handed it to her. " This is the phone number for the cab company and my address. You'll need to tell them where to get you. There is breakfast on the table and there's a lot more coffee. I suggest you eat something and drink as much of that coffee as you can. Down the hall is the bath room. A shower might help."

"You're too kind." She was in awe of his kindness but couldn't help being sarcastic.

He didn't like her attitude. She appeared to have no idea of how dangerous a position she was in the night before. "When you go through the front door just close it, it will lock on it's own. You will not be able to get back inside without a key so be careful."

He started to walk away then turned back to speak to her.

"One more thing. When you get to the hospital, last night never happened, this morning never happened. I don't know you."

"Hmm, but you've seen me naked, Dr. Burke, I spent the night in your bed, I'd say that's knowing me."

"I don't know you but I know your type" He looked at her accusingly. "You are the type who would do anything to succeed. Anything, including paying unnecessary compliments to your future boss just to have an edge over your peers. Unfortunately you picked the wrong boss to kiss up to."

"I wasn't kissing up to you. I don't need to kiss up to anyone to succeed. I didn't get here by kissing anyone's ass."

"This is not med. School anymore, Dr. Yang. All that theory you've learned in school you'll have to put into practice here, on real human beings. Your carelessness can cost someone their life. Being drunk the night before you start work is careless."

His speech finally hit home. She realized how compromising her situation was and decided to swallow her pride. "It won't happen again."

He stared at her with those intense dark eyes before answering. "Make sure that it doesn't." And with that he left.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

Preston Burke pulled into the parking lot where only a few hours ago he had rescued the intern. He was late, a very rare occurrence for him. He had no surgery scheduled until much later in the day but had several post op patients to check on. He parked his car and just sat there thinking. For reasons he didn't understand he found himself not focused on work but on the intern he left at his apartment. He couldn't understand what possessed him to take her home. He didn't know her, had no obligation to save her from the predicament she found herself in. He wanted not to like her. She was an opportunist, she reminded him of someone, he just couldn't figure out who.

He thought about the night before and the circumstances that led to him taking a strange young woman to his apartment. The mixer was over and he was walking his date for the night to her car when he noticed the new intern wandering around the parking lot. There was something about the way she walked that led him to believe that she was in some sort of distress. After delivering his date safely to her car and watch her drive away, he got in his own car with the intention of going straight home. Instead of going straight ahead to the exit, he found himself turning left in the direction of where he last saw the intern. At first he didn't see her and felt relieved, at least he did what's right in coming back to make sure she was okay. He was about to speed up and head back to the exit when out of the corner of his eyes he saw her. She rose up from the ground holding her stomach. He pulled over to the side, parked his car and exited the vehicle quietly making sure not to slam the door as he didn't want to frighten her. She obviously did not hear him approach because when he spoke, it startled her and she turned around, retched and vomited all over his feet. That should have been his cue to take her to the emergency room, but he didn't. His intention was to take her to her own home but once she got in his car she quickly proceeded to vomit all over his front passenger seat and just as quickly, passed out.

The decision to take her to his place was made without much consideration. Once he decided to do so, there was no turning back. He wondered if there was anyone waiting for her at home who would be worried if she didn't show up. Once they got to his apartment, she was lucid enough to ask about her bike and to tell him that she lived alone. He spent the next hour getting her cleaned up and plying her with coffee before she finally fell asleep. While she slept, he went down stairs to clean his car. Even now, hours later the car still smelled of disinfectant. He wondered if she ate the breakfast he left her, or if she was well enough to work. As he would find out later that day, the little intern was more resilient than he ever imagined.

The day had progressed as he expected. All his post op patients were improving and he had completed the one heart surgery he had scheduled. His next surgery was a minor appendectomy, a procedure which was not his specialty but something he volunteered to do as a means of breaking in the new interns. His decision to select an intern for the procedure brought him to the room where they were all assembled. He walked in and selected George, an intern who exhibited very little confidence in his own abilities. She was there, looking nothing like the sick vomiting intern he picked up the night before. The colour was back in her cheeks and she was radiant, at least as radiant as anyone can look wearing scrubs. She was tiny, he never realized how small she was until now. The look on her face when he selected George was priceless. Without saying a word she clearly communicated to him that his selection was wrong. He never looked at her directly but he was seeing her clearly. He had done a bit of investigating once he got to the hospital and had come to find out, that his little intern was no push over. She was in fact the most accomplished of all the new interns, both academically and socially. She certainly didn't need, as she said, to kiss anyone's ass in order to succeed.

George O'malley, as he suspected, screwed up on the appendectomy. His mistake was not totally his fault but was a combination of nerves and intimidation. The interns watching from the gallery got really excited in the beginning and started to cheer George on but Burke looked up to indicate silence and of course locked eyes with her. She never looked away but stared back at him as if to challenge him, only he didn't know what the challenge was about. She mumbled something and her fellow interns laughed. He looked down at the patient and smiled, thankful that he was wearing a mask. He liked her, she had spunk and he knew it was going to be interesting watching her learn. The rest of the day went relatively smoothly. He didn't see her again that day. Dr. Bailey had them under her wings and he knew what that entails.

He went home deciding to spend a quiet evening. He entered his apartment and first went to see if she ate the breakfast he left for her. No problem there, she ate it all and left the dirty dishes on the table. From there he went to the bedroom, the sheets were hanging partially on the bed, mostly on the floor. One of his dresser drawers was partially opened with clothes hanging out. Another was fully opened with his clothes scattered every which way.

He was getting angry she rummaged through his drawers and left his place a mess. He wondered what she was looking for. He gathered the sheets off the floor and the bed. They smelled like her. He entered the bathroom to put the sheets in his laundry hamper. There were tiny puddles of water on the bathroom floor. The wet towel she used was lying on the floor. He had left her a new toothbrush. The wrapper was on the floor. On his counter were several strands of long curly black hair and next to the shower, lies the shirt she slept in the night before. He couldn't help but think that she left the place a mess on purpose. In his mind no one could be that messy.

He cleaned up his bathroom. Made his bed, refolded his clothes and closed his drawers. Afterwards he went to do his dishes, at least he thought, the kitchen was lucky. Hurricane Cristina missed it. She must hate cooking because the kitchen was the only place she left untouched. After clearing away the dishes he went in his living room and on his couch he found her shirt neatly folded and a note attached to it which read.

Dr. Burke,

I hope you feel as violated as I felt this morning when I woke up in your bed in your shirt. Since you had no regards for my privacy when you stripped me naked and put me in your shirt. I have no regard for yours.

It was very kind of you to wash and dry my clothes, only you should have read the instructions first. It clearly states on my blouse that it was to be dry cleaned only. Your little act of kindness has cost me a very expensive blouse which I am not able to wear today or any other day as it's now much too small.

So, I went through your drawers trying to find a T-shirt that I could wear. I didn't find anything in your drawers but I found one hanging in your closet. I hope you don't mind. I will return it as soon as I can.

Thanks for last night and for breakfast. It's a pleasure I hope never to repeat.

Cristina Yang

He read the note over again and found himself laughing out loud. She does have spunk he thought. Most of the new interns were immediately intimidated by him. She obviously wasn't.

He intended to spentd the night the way he usually does. Reading before falling asleep. This night however, was different. He couldn't fall asleep. He kept staring at the other side of the bed remembering that only a few hours before, someone else was laying there. Someone who was essentially off limits to him. The adult equivalent of jail bait. And yet, try as he may, he couldn't get her out of his mind. His pillow still smelled like her. Her hair was still everywhere. There was a toothbrush in his bathroom that now belongs to her. Her shrunken shirt was still on his couch where she left it. The note she wrote him was still on his dining table and on his night stand lay a single strand of pearl that he had removed from around her neck the night before. She was a contradiction in styles he thought, a girl who rides a motor cycle and yet were so comfortable wearing pearls. He had met her less that twenty four hours ago. She spent approximately six hours in his apartment, and though he didn't know it then. Their encounter that night would become the catalyst for changes that would affect every aspect of his life.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

Her first three weeks of internship went by pretty fast. She had a core group of interns with whom she was developing fast friendships and Meredith, the intern with whom she was closest turned out to be not just any old intern but someone who had a very long and personal connection to the hospital. She respected Meredith for the simple fact that she did not flaunt her inside connection, but was willing to work extremely hard for everything she got. Meredith's prediction on the day they first met was correct. They had become good friends.

During those three weeks she hardly had any contact with Dr. Burke. On several occasions she sat in the gallery and observed him working. He was to say the least, brilliant. Many times in the middle of surgery, he would pause and look toward the gallery as if he was looking for someone. Almost always their eyes would meet and he would stare at her as if he was seeing through to her soul. Then came the day of Seattle's infamous underground bike race, The dead baby Bike Race. An unidentified patient who had fallen victim to the race was admitted to the hospital. She worked along with Meredith and Izzie, another intern with whom she had gotten close, but who exhibit an unnatural attachment to her patients, to find the John Doe's family. While Izzie wanted to find the family because she felt the John Doe may have a miraculous recovery, Cristina's motivation was the polar opposite. She hoped to find the family so that they could consent to donating his organs.

Although all of them, worked together to help the patient. All three had different objectives, but combined, they made a cohesive team. Meredith was the voice of reason, Cristina wanted the cool harvest surgery and Izzie was looking for a miracle. In the process they gave a blood transfusion to the brain dead patient. To counteract that, they needed to repair the patient's heart, and so they went searching for Dr. Burke. Cristina and Meredith found him in the men's washroom. Showing no tact or respect for his privacy, they proceeded to tell him what they had done. Although Meredith was there, when he spoke, he addressed Cristina. "You gave a brain dead John Doe a blood transfusion and now you expect me to repair his heart." He couldn't believe what they did. He turned to her directly and asked "You do enjoying crossing the line don't you?" Meredith would never know, but Cristina believed that his reference to crossing the line was directly related to her drinking the night of the mixer. His words caught her off guard and she retreated backwards. The look in eyes however, was one of amusement and admiration. Never in his career had anyone accosted him in the mens, and only a bunch of inexperienced, surgery hungry interns could pull it off.

Her inexperience as a doctor and her very poor bedside manner was never more evident than on that day. The family of the victim of the Dead Baby Bike Race, now identified as Kevin Davidson, was located. It was left up to Cristina to explain the organ donation process to his wife and to get her to sign the forms. Needless to say she failed. She was to the point, factual, but showed absolutely no empathy toward the patient's family. It was not just painful for the family but also for Dr. Bailey who was observing. In the end Cristina walked out of the room, unable to complete the task. Dr. Bailey's teaching ability saved the day and Cristina returned, this time armed with a better understanding of medicine 101. That day marked a turning point in her career. It was the beginning of the long process of changing her mind set from the academic super star to a well-rounded doctor.

That day was also a turning point in her relationship with Dr. Burke, For the first time since the night of the mixer, she spent a significant amount of time with him. She was there in the beginning when he and Dr. Shepherd first examined the patient, and was there again for the harvest surgery. He was professional and hardly paid any unwarranted attention to her. She in turn was just satisfied to finally be scrubbing in on a surgery, regardless of the fact that the patient was already dead.

Later on that night she accompanied Meredith and George to Joe's bar. They were sitting down having a drink when George brought up the Dead Baby Bike Race victim. "So Cristina I heard that you had a difficult time with the dead guy's family, maybe you could get Dr. Bailey to give you a lesson in appropriate bedside manner."

Cristina not wanting to discuss the matter glared at George. "Shut up Bambi."

George persisted. "No, seriously, even I could give you a lesson if you want."

They were both going at it not realizing that Meredith had suddenly gone quiet. She cleared her throat trying to get their attention but no one noticed her.

Cristina yelled at George. "George if you don't shut up, yours will be the next set of organs Burke will harvest."

Meredith cleared her throat again but they both ignored her.

"And what organs will you want from me Cristina? My skin, like you wanted from the dead guy." George was laughing, remembering Cristina's conversation with Kevin's wife.

Cristina gave him a dead stare and without even a smile on her face she said. "No George, your balls, that's what I'd like to harvest, your balls."

George physically recoiled, choking on the peanuts he was eating and attempted to answer. "My balls are not organs and . . . "

"Hello interns"

Cristina and George turned around swiftly, Meredith didn't move. She had already seen Dr. Burke standing directly behind them and had tried unsuccessfully to get their attention.

George spoke up quickly. "Oh hi Dr. Burke. How long have you been standing there?"

Burke looked from George to Cristina who was now staring at her drink. "Long enough"

Then he addressed Cristina directly. "Dr. Yang, may I have word with you in private?"

George and Meredith both conveniently wanted to use the washroom and Burke sat in the seat that George vacated.

He looked at Cristina, a smile barely creasing the corners of his mouth. "So, Dr. Yang, I see you're back at the scene of the crime."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Burke continued. "If I remember correctly, this was where you were three weeks ago when I found you in the parking lot, drunk."

Cristina shifted on the bar stool and looked him directly in his eyes. For a moment she just stared, he does have beautiful eyes. She found herself thinking. Then she said to him "If any crime was committed that night it was by you."

Burke smiled speaking in a very low voice so as not to be heard by anyone else but her.

"And what crime could I have possibly committed?"

Cristina smirked. " I don't know, you could've touched me in places that I don't want to be touched. Or you could have taken pictures of me. You hear that in the news a lot."

Burke got up. Dr. Yang, rest assured, I never touched you. At least not in the way you mean, and do you really believe that I need a camera to remember what you looked like naked?"

He said the words and immediately regretted it. She had an uncanny way of getting him to do and say things that he normally wouldn't. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

She looked at him and smiled, satisfied that she got under his skin, showing him up as not being different from any other man. Ultimately, unable to resist looking at a naked woman. "Why shouldn't you have said it? . You meant it." "Are you always this brash Dr. Yang? For someone so small you are unnecessarily vicious."

"Another man hung- up on size." She murmured. "I can assure you Dr. Burke that regardless of my size I am going to be an excellent surgeon someday. My size doesn't hinder me. Now if you have any size deficiency that you're unable to overcome, that's your problem."

Burke opened his mouth but the words didn't come. He was speechless. He couldn't believe what just came out of her mouth. First she wanted to castrate O'malley, or as she said, harvest his balls. Now she insinuates that he has a size deficiency. He had never been shocked by anything that anyone says, until now. She has the personality of a Pit Bull. He got up turns to her and said. "I have to leave now Dr. Yang, but before I go, a word of advice."

"What's that?"

"Try to wake up in your own bed tomorrow morning." He lowered his voice, "Don't vomit on anyone . . . and the part of O'malley's anatomy you want to harvest, It's not transplantable."

With that he left her, staring at her drink, speechless.

Meredith and George returned soon after and both wanted to know what Burke wanted.

"He just wanted to talk to me about Kevin Davidson." She lied.

She went home that night exhausted. Her apartment offers no comfort. She felt lonely. She was used to living on her own and yet she couldn't get over the sense of loneliness since she moved to Seattle. She missed having someone to talk to. At least in college she had room mates. She phoned her mother in California and was relieved when no one was home. Her mother would have known immediately that she was unhappy. She picked up a book and tried to read it but couldn't concentrate. She showered and went to her drawers to get a clean pair of pajamas and saw his shirt. Seeing the shirt brought back memories of the incident earlier in the evening at Joe' bar. She couldn't understand what possessed her to speak to him the way she did. She never planned to. In fact, over the weeks she had come to realize how lucky she was that he saw her that night. That he took her home. She knew in her heart that he saved her from a lot of embarrassment or possibly worse. She truly wanted to thank him, but, everytime she tried to, she got cold feet. There was something about him that caused her to say and do the craziest things. He was good to her, made her breakfast. Cleaned her up and put her to bed. He had been nothing but a gentleman toward her, but something was happening to her that she couldn't control. It was new and scary and although she didn't recognize it, she knew that she had to protect herself from it. But how could she protect herself if she didn't know what she needed to protect herself from? All she knows is that whenever she was around him, he made her nervous. She can't think straight whenever he is near, and yet she cannot go a day without getting a glimpse of him, hearing his voice, or watching him work. He fascinates her. From the moment she woke up in his bed, he was no longer just the arrogant surgeon. She had seen a side of him that very few people have. There were a kindness and a gentleness about him. A side that most people at the hospital would be surprised to know even exists. Why then, was she so determined to dislike him? Determined for him to dislike her. In the OR she can be civil to him, there were too many people around for her to go off on a tangent. The OR then, would be her salvation. She would be safe there amongst the blood and the shiny surgical instruments. Safe . . . But from what?

Any woman in her right mind would give anything to have had the glimpse in his life that she had. To wake up in his bed and to have him make her breakfast. She was extremely lucky and didn't even know it. She put her pajamas on, grabbed his shirt, put it under her pillow and went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

Her fourth week at Seattle Grace turned out to be the most interesting. It started quietly, nothing extraordinary happening, but by the end of that week, her life would take an unexpected turn. And life as she knew it, would change forever. She had left home early, arriving at the hospital at 4:30 A.M.. Her objective was to be the first there for pre rounds so that she would be the intern asked to scrub in on any surgery. She was lucky, or so she thought. The new patient with the potential for an interesting surgery was a former scrub nurse at the hospital by the name of Elizabeth Fallon, Liz for short. Liz had an abdominal mass which turned out to be Pancreatic Cancer. Liz's prognosis warrants an operation called a Whipple. However, Cristina's plan to scrub in on the cool surgery back fired as Meredith ended up scrubbing in on an even more interesting surgery of a guy who accidentally shot himself in the head with a nail gun.

During that day the most unexpected thing happened. Cristina started to bond with Liz Fallon. After waiting all day to go in to surgery she would find out several days later that there was no surgery planned, but that nurse Fallon was in fact there to die. Though not having the surgery greatly disappointed her, surprisingly the news that Liz would die affected her more. She was mad at Dr. Burke for leading her on and made no bones about it when she confronted him one morning after examining Liz. She accused him of not planning a surgery and that he was acting as if the nurse was only there to die. He had no option but to confirm her suspicions. She was so angry at him that she spoke to him in a manner that no intern would. If anyone else dared to speak to him that way they would be in serious trouble. With her he totally ignored it. For some reason she knew that even if she got angry he wouldn't retaliate. She didn't know why, she just knew.

Liz Fallon died a few days later and it devastated her. She had entered Liz' room and the nurse confirmed that there would be no surgery. Cristina said she could have told her before and Liz told her to think of it as a hazing ritual, then she went into cardiac arrest. Although the nurse had signed DNR forms, Cristina still tried to resuscitate her. Dr. Burke came by and had to physically pull her off Liz. When the nurse took her last breath Cristina had to call time of death. It clearly, was the hardest thing for her to do and represented the first true test of her career. She did so, and quickly exited the room. She was in the stair well, upset, her eyes welling up with tears when he found her. "You can't lose it like that." He said.

She tried to pass him and he took hold of both of hands. Seeing her like that bothered him. He had spent the last couple of days having fun at her expense. Liz was his friend and they both recognized something in her. They saw the unlimited potential and the willingness to do whatever it takes. They wanted to slow her down. They knew how easy it was for new interns to push themselves so hard that they eventually suffer from total burn out. They didn't see that her motives had changed. She wanted the surgery desperately, but most importantly, she wanted Liz to get well. She fought hard to stop the tears from falling. She didn't want him to see her cry for fear that he may consider her weak. Not good enough for Seattle Grace. He, on the other hand was fighting his own battle. Instead of just holding her hands he wanted to hold her in his arms and comfort her. She was hurt and he knew it, but unlike the night in the parking lot, he was now her superior, and boundaries had to be kept. And so he said the only thing he could possibly say to her. "We have to let her go."

She stood at the door knocking but no one answered. After a few minutes she started to walk away. A door opened behind her and she turned around. He was standing there, shirtless, a towel around his neck, water dripping from his hair. The jeans he just pulled on still unbuttoned at the waist. It was a very intimate portrait but she didn't see that. She wasn't there yet, he was way ahead of her. If she had recognized the intimacy of the moment, she would have run. Running was what she did best.

She thought that the reason she was there was to return his shirt. Subconsciously, she was there to be comforted. Liz died. The first of her patients to die. She didn't know how to handle it. She liked the nurse. She admired her straight forwardness. In many ways Liz reminded her of herself. Every doctor wether they are interns or more seasoned professionals will at some point in their career lose a patient. In all her studies, she had never prepared herself for that. In her mind she could cure them all. Liz was lesson number one. You cannot cure all illnesses. The emotional impact Liz' death had on her took her totally by surprise, and so she came to the one place where she knew she would be comforted. She knew instinctively, that there would be no question asked, no judgements, just a shoulder to cry on if she need to. He never told her she could come there. But she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn't turn her away. There was something unspoken between them. Something powerful, something so beyond their control that no matter how she tries to ignore it, it always comes back to him. She needed to see him at least once a day. She needed to hear his voice. He was the last person she thinks about before she went to bed at night and the first person in the mornings when she awakes. She had no idea what was happening to her, or that something was in fact, happening. To her the only reason why she found herself constantly thinking about him was because he was her boss and she was eager to prove herself.

She turned around and started to walk toward him. He buttons the waist of his jeans. As she got closer, she pulled a T-shirt from her bag and handed it to him. "I brought back your shirt."

He took the shirt, held it up and looked at it, trying hard not to laugh. The shirt, once white was now pale pink. He bit down on his bottom lip, finally able to compose himself. "Dr. Yang, this shirt isn't mine."

"It is yours" she answered, "I washed it,"

This time he couldn't suppress the Smile. "You washed my shirt . . . and it turned pink."

She answered matter of fact ly. "Yes"

The smile turned into a laugh. "Dr. Yang do you not know how to do your own laundry?"

She turned around and headed down the hall.

"Cristina" He called after her. It was the first time he called her Cristina. Her name rolls off his tongue like poetry. He went inside, grabbed his keys and went after her. He caught up with her, gently took her hand "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you. Would you like to come in for a minute?"

She shook her head "No"

"Cristina, just for a minute. Look, I just got out of the shower that's why I couldn't open the door when you first knocked."

She still didn't move and he continued.

"I'm still wet, my hair is still wet, you don't want to be responsible for me catching a cold do you!"

She still didn't move and he continued "I have heart surgery tomorrow, I can't operate if I catch a cold."

The mention of surgery tomorrow got her attention, maybe he would allow her to scrub in. "I can't, I've been on call for forth eight hours and I'm really very tired. I just wanted to return your shirt."

He thought for a moment then said. "What have you had to eat all day?"..."I just made dinner, there's enough for two."

She searched his face. "Okay but only for a few minutes." Once inside he got her to sit down and excused himself. He came back a few minutes later, his hair dry and wearing a shirt.

He went to his kitchen and came back to ask her. "Would you like something to drink?"

At first she declined but he talked into it and was surprised when she said she wanted a beer. In no time the table was set and they sat down to eat. The dinner was wonderful. He made poached salmon with scalloped potatoes and vegetables. She was surprised at how well he could cook. During dinner they hardly spoke. He asked her if she was enjoying her internship and she answered "Except for the night of the mixer it's been great." They sat quietly at his table eating, no one wanting to be the first to talk about what happened earlier that day. After dinner, he cleared the table and she went to sit on the couch. She picked up a newspaper and pretended to read it. He came over and asked if she wanted to watch a movie.

"No" was her only response. He knew that in a few minutes she would want to leave so he brought up the one subject that he knew would get her talking. "About Liz."

She looked up at him immediately, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Cristina, you couldn't save her . . . She was too far gone."

"I don't understand" she said. "I don't understand how someone can choose to die without first trying to live."

"She did try to live Cristina. She tried for months."

"Then how could she give up now?"

"Because for her, death was inevitable. Liz was no stranger to this type of cancer. She had seen so many patients die from it . . . They just don't go to sleep one night and never wakes up . . . They suffer . . . they suffer a lot. She didn't want that for herself...She was a brave woman...and a very competent scrub nurse...You could have learned a lot from her...I learned a lot from her."

"You learned a lot from a nurse?"

"Cristina. If you open your mind you can learn something from anyone."

He watched her cover her face with her hands and watched her shoulders shook. She was sobbing. He sat next to her, gathered her into his arms and let her cry.

He never said a word. He rubbed her back and caressed her hair and whispered ssh, and just let her cry. Afterwards she rests her head in his lap and eventually fell asleep. For forty-eight hours straight she had lived at the hospital, on call, hardly getting any sleep. Now, her body finally gave in to the exhaustion and all she could do was comply. He had no intentions of sending her home that night, not in her condition. And so, he removed her shoes, lifted her up, carried her to his bed, lay her down and covered her with the blanket. He went back to the living room. The couch would be his bed for the night. He went to his window and just stood there staring out at the night sky. It was the first time that he really looked at the city from that window. Seattle at night looked beautiful, he thought, but not as beautiful as the woman laying in his bed. He could see himself falling for her. He could feel it. He wanted it to stop, knew it had to stop. She was an intern, he, her superior. There were strict rules against such relationships. But like Adam and the serpent he was tempted. The apple was there, rich and ripe and ready just waiting for him to take the proverbial bite. If he yields to the temptation, there would be no turning back and the consequences could be detrimental. But if he didn't yield, what then? He wanted so badly to be able to control his feelings, but he had no control. For the first time, he, Preston Burke, had no control over the direction his life had taken. It's been four weeks since he first met her, four weeks since he brought her home, four weeks and for the second time she was curled up in his bed, fast asleep.

Tomorrow they'd go back to work and she would be Dr. Yang again, for tonight she is simply, Cristina.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

To the people who have sent me personal messages asking for updates. I'm sorry this took so long. Hope it's worth the wait.

He got up early the following morning to go to work. Except for the woman sleeping in his bed and the additional place setting at the breakfast table, very little about his routine had changed. This morning his pace was slower and he moved about the apartment very quietly. She was still asleep and he didn't want to wake her up. After making her breakfast he went to check on her one last time before leaving. Standing next to the bed he pulled the blanket over her. As he leaves the room he stopped at the door and lingered there for a while just watching her sleep. She looked so at peace laying there, as if that was where she belonged. There is so much potential here he thought, if only things were different. For a brief moment he wished he had never met her. She disrupted his life, everything about her suits him. She fit so perfectly in his arms, looked so good in his bed, if things were different he knew she would fit perfectly in his life. She stirred in her sleep and it broke his concentration. " What the hell am I doing?" He thought to himself. Quietly, he closed the bedroom door, went to the table, wrote one word on a piece of paper, grabbed his briefcase and left the apartment.

Throughout the day he found himself constantly checking his watch. He hadn't seen her all day. Earlier that morning he had called his home just to make sure she left on time, and wouldn't be late for work. There was no answer. He assumed she was there at the hospital and that all was well. But he couldn't help wondering, and between checking his watch and looking toward the gallery, he spent every minute not thinking about his patients, thinking about her. Finally, late in the afternoon while completing his final surgery of the day, she appeared. At first he didn't see her but he sensed her presence. He looked toward the gallery and she was there, sitting amongst all the other interns, munching on some sort of snack. She eats like a bird he thought. It's very rare when he would see her sitting there without snacking on something. She was sitting between O'malley and Grey and she must have taken offence to something O'malley said because he could see her elbow as it enters George' side. He smiled and thought to himself, She is really going to castrate him one of these days.

At the end of his shift he made one final stop on the fourth floor to check on a patient before going home. She was standing there, next to the nurses station, reading through a patient's file. He walked up to her, and whispered "Not here trying to pick a fight with the nurses, are you?"

She didn't look up from her file, didn't even act surprised to see him there, she just answered. "Why would I do that?"

He smiled, "Because you are developing quite a reputation for yourself where the nurses are concerned."

"Don't believe everything you hear."

He was glad to see that she had put yesterday behind her. It's what any good doctor should do.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

She looked up at him, then back at the file before answering "Yes"

"Did you eat your breakfast?"

"Yes, father."

He smiled. "I'm not your father."

"Then stop acting like it."

"Ok, just so you know, any more sleep overs and I'll have to start charging you rent."

He almost choked on his own saliva when she replied. "And how much do I charge for your voyeuristic viewing of my body?"

A nurse passed by and he lowered his voice. "That sounds like prostitution. Anyway, I never looked at your body last night."

She inclined her head. "You didn't"

He shrugged his shoulders. "No, I didn't. I took your shoes off, but that's all. You have very small feet."

"Yeah," she answered, looking down at her feet. They're in perfect proportion to my body." She stopped writing and looked at him, her eyes traveling from his head to his feet and lingering there. "You have big feet. What is that in proportion with?"

He bit down hard on his lip to avoid laughing out loud. She had no sense of decorum and seems to enjoy making him uncomfortable. "Dr. Yang, think before you speak."

She handed him the file which he hesitates to take "I don't need that file."

"Just hold it and pretend that you're reading it. I don't want the nurses to think that you're standing here talking to me because you like me."

He took the file and started to turn the pages "heaven forbid that they should think that."

She started to leave but after two steps she stopped and retraced her steps. "Oh Dr. Burke, I think I may have left something at your place this morning, do you mind if I stop by to pick it up later?"

"Not at all. What did you forget?"

"A black bra I was wearing last night, I think I may have left it in your bathroom."

He looked around, lowered his voice and whispered. Cristina. You weren't wearing a bra last night." The moment the words left his mouth he knew she had him. "There's a good explanation for . . . "

She cut him off "I rest my case."

Later that evening he went home to find his apartment in better shape than the first time she slept over. The table was cleared, the breakfast dishes were in the sink and except for the towel on the bathroom floor, everything else was the same as he left it. She even took time to make the bed. He changed and decided to do the dishes. He was in no mood to prepare a meal just for himself. Lately, he had begun to question the merits of living a solitary life. Amazingly, he had never before done this. He was quite satisfied with his life the way it was. Work, friends, traveling when time allows, and the odd date when he chooses. Serious romance was really a thing of the past. Finding someone with whom he could share his life had become a chore. Past experiences have made him weary of women who seem to want to end his bachelorhood on the second date. And so he gave up, until she came along. He had to remind himself that even though she was there, their present situation dictates that she could never be his. But he could dream.

The day had been long and stressful and tomorrow would be no better. He had several surgeries scheduled including an open heart surgery. He lay across the bed and closed his eyes. Breathing in he inhaled the very faint scent of perfume, her perfume. He was lying on the side of the bed that he hardly ever sleeps on. Her side of the bed. Last night he had placed her there and was about to put one of his T-shirts on her, when he realized that she was wearing nothing underneath her own shirt. So he left her in her own clothes, covered her up and left the room. Now, here he was giving her ownership in his apartment. There was her side of the bed, her pillow, her toothbrush, even her bath towel. All these things were hers and yet he knew nothing about her. He wondered about her family and if she had a boyfriend. If she did, he was sure that they weren't living together. The thought of her having a boyfriend bothered him. He just couldn't imagine her in with anyone else. Last night when she cried and he held her, he felt like that was where she belonged. But in reality, she didn't belong to him, and he wasn't sure if she ever would. So, he slept on her side of the bed, his head resting on her pillow and dreams of a day when she would be lying there right next to him.

Cristina was on call that night and spent most of the time assisting in the ER. Her first chance of getting any sleep came at around two A.M. Finding an empty on call room she laid down and closed her eyes, but even though she was tired she couldn't fall asleep. She thought about the night before when she slept in his bed. She slept more soundly than even in her own. There was something about him that calms her. He could be an arrogant bastard at work. She had seen it. But with her he was patient and kind, and even though she tested him by saying the most shocking things, he never retaliated. She smiled to herself when she remembered the look on his face when she mentioned the size of his feet. He is handsome. She wondered if he knew how much. There must be a girlfriend somewhere she thought. No man so talented, so gorgeous could go unattached for long. He had told her that the woman with him at the mixer was not his girlfriend, but he didn't say that he didn't have one. Suddenly, she felt sad. As selfish as it may seem, she didn't want him to have anyone. He was hers, whether he knew it or not. He couldn't be anyone else'. His broad shoulders were hers to cry on, and those arms... She closed her eyes and imagined those arms wrapped around her and went to sleep.

The following morning she awakes at dawn, surprised that her pager had not gone off and she was able to get a few hours sleep. Peeking through the door of the on call room she could see and hear the sound of the hospital coming to life. It was the dawn of a new day filled with so much possibilities and hopefully, a few ground breaking surgeries. She prepared herself for work. Washed her face, brushed her teeth, and change into a pair of fresh clean scrubs then went to get her morning coffee. With a steaming cup in hand she went outside to breathe the morning air. It had rained the night before and although it was a bit chilly, there was a certain sereneness about the place. There was something special about being outdoors just after it rained and before the busy commuter traffic pollutes the morning air. It gave her a chance to clear her head and to think. It is said that before every storm there is a calm. This morning it was definitely calm and a storm was brewing at Seattle Grace.

Sitting on a bench outside the entrance to the hospital, her mind wandered to an apartment across town. He should be up by now she thought, maybe he was already at the hospital. She wondered why it was becoming increasingly impossible for her to get through a day without thinking about him. A smile creased her lips when she remembered their conversation the day before. She had an edge where he was concerned, and she knew it. As arrogant and self assured as he was, she could get under his skin, but she also sensed that he would only allow her so much before retaliating. She jumped up startled when a brown paper bag was placed in her lap. He was standing there, an amused smile on his face. "It's breakfast." He answered before she could even ask the question.

"I don't eat breakfast."

"You do when I make it." He reminded her

She opened the bag and was surprised to see what he had made her. "You're grooming me." She said, more to herself than to him.

"What?" He didn't know what she meant.

"Grooming me, you know. Being nice to me because you want something from me."

He tried to suppress a smile. "And that's grooming?"

"It's kinda like what a pedophile does, you know be nice so the kid will trust him."

He inhaled deeply. "Well, thank God you're not a child because if you were, I'd wash your mouth out with soap for comparing me to a pedophile."

"So, you mean you're not grooming me."

"Grooming you for what?"

She takes a grape out of the bag throw it in the air and catches it with her mouth. "I don't know . . . Sex."

"Cristina . . . I don't have to groom you for sex."

She looked up at him and he gazed directly in her eyes. There was something about the way he said her name, something sexual. She always thought that her name was simple and plain. But, when he says it, simple and plain became poetic. When he said that he didn't have to groom her it sounded like a promise. She averted her eyes. "Do you always feed your interns?"

"No."

"If I were your girlfriend, I'd be jealous."

"If you were my girlfriend, you would have no reason to be jealous."

"No!"

He stared at her. "No. Have a good day Cristina." She stayed outside and finished her breakfast. Aside from the regular breakfast stuff he had brought her grapes. How did he know that she liked grapes? Afterwards, she went back inside and an hour later. The storm broke.

IT started when Meredith, in the process of holding a patient's heart while Burke operated, popped a glove. She confessed to George but neglected to tell Burke. Hours later the patient's condition deteriorated. Meredith, feeling that she may be responsible, confessed in front of the patient's husband. Burke was upset and scolds Meredith for her actions. For the second time that day, he had to operate on the patient. It was discovered that Meredith was not responsible, but that the patient' heart muscles were too weak. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done. The legal fireworks had already started.

As soon as that storm ended, another one which had been brewing for five years touch land. This one would have a far more personal effect on Cristina, and threaten her budding relationship with Burke. It started when a patient. Mrs. Drake, was readmitted to the hospital complaining of chest pains. During routine surgery a towel was found in her chest cavity, underneath her lungs. The only way that towel could have gotten there was from a previous surgery five years before. Faced with the potential of a second lawsuit in one day, the chief was livid and assigned Bailey to find out who was responsible. Bailey assigned Cristina the task of finding the patients old file.

At first Cristina was eager to search for the file. She would have preferred to be in surgery but finding out who could have made such a careless mistake fascinated her. As a doctor she felt that she would never make such mistakes. She hoped that whoever was responsible, would be duly punished. She would end up regretting those sentiments.

In an old file room she went through boxes of files until finally she found it. She had an adrenalin rush. Finally she would know. She opened the file and her jaws dropped. It couldn't be . . . But it was. The surgeon was Dr. Preston Burke. Suddenly, she wanted to be anywhere but there. Wished she could turn back the clock and she was sitting outside and he brought her breakfast. That was impossible. The damage was done and the only thing she could do was give the file to Bailey and hope for the best. Whatever the outcome, he was still the best in his field. Her feelings began to change the moment she gave the file to Bailey. After telling Cristina to keep what she knew to herself, Cristina observed Bailey and Burke in an office in deep conversation. At the end, Bailey handed the file to Burke. After that, a day passed and nothing was mentioned about Mrs. Drake or the towel. Cristina began to feel that there was something wrong. Later that night at a party at Meredith's house, she approached Bailey and asked her what was going to happen. Bailey told her not to concern herself with it. Something wasn't right. She was sure of it and was disappointed that Burke was a part of it.

Unable to get any information about what was really happening, Cristina decided to avoid Burke. She couldn't look at him the same way without thinking about Mrs. Drake. She was also very aware that she was indirectly involved in any cover-up. She thought about talking to the chief but decided against it. She was new to the place, an intern. No one would believe her. For now all she could do is wait, and see.

During surgery that afternoon, Burke's eyes wandered periodically to the gallery. She wasn't there. He knew something was wrong but couldn't put his finger on it. Later that afternoon on his way to see the chief he ran into her. The moment she saw him she tried to go in the opposite direction but he caught up with her. "Can you slow down for a minute?"

She looked around her to make sure no one could hear. "I'm busy."

"Too busy to talk to me."

"Yes." She answered and quickly walked away.

Now his suspicions were confirmed. She was deliberately avoiding him. They had come too far. He needed to know what was wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

He sat in his car waiting for her to leave work. He had scoured the parking lot trying to find her motor cycle without any success. Maybe she had taken a cab to work that morning or had gotten a ride from someone. From where he parked he could see anyone who came from the hospital toward the parking lot. He saw her the moment she exited the doors but instead of coming straight toward him she turned in the opposite direction. Turning his car around, he followed her from a distance. She stopped next to a small car and was about to open the door when he pulled up. She turned around and on seeing him quickly went in the car. He pulled his car up behind hers blocking her exit. She got out of the car and came toward him, annoyance evident on her face. "What do you want?"

He didn't answer her question instead he said. "I see you finally got rid of the death trap."

She was losing her patience. "Look, Dr. Burke, I've had a real long day and I'm running late so could you please move your car so that I can leave."

"Do you have a date?"

"I'm sure you didn't come here to find out how I'm spending my evening."

He looked at her with raised brows. "Maybe I did." His calmness unnerved her. He didn't seem like a man facing the possible ramifications from leaving a towel in his patient's chest cavity. "Look this isn't funny, I really need to go."

"Not until you tell me what I did to upset you."

She threw her hands in the air, frustrated. "You didn't upset me ok."

He didn't believe her. "Don't lie to me. I thought we were getting to know one another. Was I wrong?"

"No . . . I don't know . . . Leave me alone, ok, just let me leave."

"What happened between this morning and now?"

She turned around to face him. "You don't know?"

"No, and I won' know until you tell me, so, the truth."

She laughed sarcastically. "The truth! Do you even know the meaning of that word?"

"Dr. Yang, we may be off duty but I am still your Attending." He hated to use the term boss to her.

"You're Dr. Bailey's boss"

He didn't comment, just inclined his head.

"Look, Dr. Burke, within the walls of that hospital you are my boss and I'll do almost anything you tell me. Out here, that relationship ceases to exist."

He cleared his throat "I see"

She could see the disappointment on his face and couldn't understand why that would bother her.

She tells herself that he didn't mean anything to her. He was just her boss. But what boss would bring her breakfast? What boss could make her feel so inadequate just by virtue of his presence?

"Please let me leave."

"Tell me." He was determined not to let her leave without telling him.

And so in frustration she blurted out " You yelled at Meredith today because she made a mistake, a mistake, that she came clean about. Who is yelling at you for your mistakes?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't yell at Grey because of her mistake. I did it because she confessed to something she didn't do, in the presence of the patient's husband. As for my mistakes, I have no idea what you're talking about." "You don't? Two days ago I spent the afternoon in a musty file room looking for the file of a patient who had surgery here five years ago. A patient who is currently in this hospital because a towel was left underneath her lungs. You operated on her, you forgot the towel and now you and Dr. Bailey are trying to cover it up."

Her outburst surprised him. Bailey didn't tell him that she had seen the file "Cristina. There's no cover-up."

She lowered her voice as there were people passing by. "I saw you and Dr. Bailey, I saw her give you the file and she told me to keep what I know to myself. But I do know, and if there is a cover-up then I'm a party to it."

"And so because you've seen us talking, and she gave me the file, you concluded that there must be a cover-up . . . Do you know what it would take to cover-up something like that? The chief, the hospital, everyone would have to be in on it. Now, can you see that happening?"

"So if there's no cover-up, why isn't anyone saying anything about it."

"Because it's two days, Cristina. This cannot be resolved in two days." He sounded hurt and angry at the same time. "Besides it's none of your business."

She wouldn't relent. "It became my business when Dr. Bailey asked me to find out who did that surgery."

For a moment he didn't say anything. He just stood there looking at her and when he spoke there was resignation in his voice.

"If what Dr. Bailey asked you to do make you uncomfortable, then don't do it. But you of all people should know that things are not always what they appear to be."

She held her head down, confused. He had a valid point and she realized that she may have jumped to the wrong conclusion. But if there was no cover-up why wasn't anyone saying anything. She knew she should apologize but couldn't bring herself to do it. "Look, what do you want me to do? I can't pretend that I didn't see her give you the file."

He looked at her. I want you to tell me that you won't jump to any conclusions until you know the facts, and . . . "

"And what?"

"I want you to tell me that the reason you're in such a hurry isn't because you're late for a date with some guy."

Taken by surprise by his comment, she simply stared at him. A moment passed before she answered. "I'm not late for a date with any guy."

He held her gaze, mentally struggling to control an overwhelming urge to hug her. One of his questions was answered. She did not have a boyfriend. He got back in his car and drove away allowing her to leave.

It was late in the evening when he arrived home. He had stopped at the cleaners to pick up his laundry and drove around just to clear his head. The mistake he made five years ago was weighing heavily on his mind and Cristina questioning his integrity made it worse. On the other hand he couldn't help but admire her tenacity. Most interns would have been too intimidated to confront him. But, she wasn't and in the midst of all the accusations and presumptions, he could see a twinge of something else. She cared. Trying to reconcile his feelings for her was becoming a challenge. He knew that there was something between them, something different and special. She knew it too, but she was scared and he realized that. What he couldn't figure out was what she was afraid of, or if he had done anything in their brief association to cause that fear. The day may have started out badly but to him it had the perfect ending. She didn't have a boyfriend.

The following day Cristina arrives at the hospital quite early. It had become a habit of hers to be there before any of the other Interns. The possibility of scrubbing in on the best surgeries was her main motivation. This morning she wanted to find Burke and apologize for yesterday. She didn't have to look very hard. After rounds she was standing at the third floor nurses station making notes, when he found her. He came up quietly behind her and placed a cup of coffee on the counter next to her. She looked up at him perplexed. He looked down at her. Neither one knew what to say to the other. Just yesterday they had argued in the parking lot and she had accused him of orchestrating a cover-up. Today she wasn't sure. " It's just coffee" he said reassuringly, as if anything between them were that simple. But it wasn't just coffee. It was his way of making peace with her. His version of the olive branch. Her accepting it would signify that they would be ok. He had spent a restless night thinking about her and decided that whatever challenges lay ahead, she was worth the risk. Caught totally off guard by his kindness, she forgot her reason for being there, and he left before she had a chance to apologize.

It was late in the afternoon and the interns minus Meredith was standing on the runway staring at the door of an office. Inside that office Burke and Meredith were meeting with the chief and the hospital's legal counsel. Not knowing what exactly was taking place inside the interns began to speculate on what was happening. They were nervous and concerned for their friend. To most of them Meredith was at a disadvantage. She was the intern, the one who confessed. Cristina was in the unique position of being concerned about both, but no one knew that. She disguised her fears with a smile and hoped for the best. After what seemed like forever, the door opened and Meredith appeared. She informed them that everything was ok. She was on one month's probation and that Burke saved her. Although extremely happy for Meredith, Cristina wondered what saving her cost Burke. But before she could ask Meredith anything. Bailey appeared and the interns scattered to their duties. While attempting to leave Cristina was held back by Bailey who informed her that Burke was always going to tell the chief about the towel. He just needed the right time. Before leaving she took one look back toward the door and he was standing there, talking to the chief. He saw her and for a long moment their eyes met and held. Again she could feel that strange connection between them. He looked weary. She had never seen him like that before and she wanted to comfort him.

He entered the On Call Room and closed the door. The day had been long and stressful, reminiscent of his days as an intern. His reputation had taken a beating but remains relatively in tact. He was still concerned about Mrs. Drake. The patient had spent five years complaining about chest pains and no one believed her. The fact that he had contributed to her pain weighed heavily on his mind. Still, he knew that dwelling on it would be pointless. It happened and they all learned from it. If he is to go on and save other lives, he had to be able to focus and not let one error negatively impact the way he cared for his patients. He removed his shirt and was in the process of taking off his shoes when the door to the on call room opened and she entered. She was the only person he wanted to see and the one person he didn't want to see him like this. He was vulnerable. He needed time to be Preston. To forget about his tremendous responsibilities at the hospital and just be himself. To her he was only Dr. Burke. He wouldn't have known that over an hour ago he became someone else to her. He was simply, Burke. He wouldn't have known that she had been all over the hospital looking for him. He wouldn't have known that she knew that he was hurt and that she wanted to be there for him. To comfort him just like he had comforted her.

The door was still opened and he feared that someone may see them together but before he could say anything she closed the door and locked it.

He knew that she shouldn't be there. That he should ask her to leave. But she had taken the initiative to reach out to him and he didn't want her to feel rejected. She looked so small and unsure of herself. He let go the rails of the bunk beds he was holding on to and walked toward her. She stepped backwards and not knowing what to say she whispered "Thanks for the coffee." To her own ears it sounded so lame. The time to thank him for the coffee had long passed. The same fate that brought them together that first night was at work again and this time fate would not be denied. He reached out and cradled her head with both hands, she gasped just before his lips came down upon hers.

She shivered and closed her eyes but involuntarily her hands reached around and up his naked back. Clinging to him as if her life depended on it, she returned the kiss. Her mouth opened and his tongue entered. He shuddered, unable to control his own emotions. He had always imagined she would taste like this, feel like this. One hand left her face and circled her waist drawing her closer to him. If she had any doubt of how much he wanted her, that feeling was erased. He released her lips for a moment allowing her to breathe. She reached up and pulled his head down to hers, unwilling to be separated from him, if only for a moment. He kissed her again, this time deeper. She had never experienced a kiss like that before. Never know that it was possible for any man to make her feel the way he was making her feel. She had always wanted to feel those strong hands touching her. The same hands that were so precise during surgery were now working their way over her body with the same kind of precision. They struggled to remove her clothes. As he removed her scrub top and undershirt he realized that underneath she wore no bra. He tried to focus on her face in an unsuccessful bid to slow things down. She reached up and touched his face, tracing her fingers from his jaw line to the cleft in his chin then to his lips. She cradled his face, standing on her toes to reach up to his level. They were lost in their own world. The place and the time were irrelevant. Then abruptly he eased her away from him and whispered in her ear. "We can't do this . . . not here . . . not now."

She looked at him confused. Wondering if she had done something wrong. It never occurred to her that by giving in to her feelings for him she was opening up herself for possible rejection. He saw the fear in her eyes and tried to reassure her. "I want you more than anything but this place . . . I can't risk it . . . you have to leave."

She searched his face. He was serious. She was standing in front of him, stripped not only of her clothes but also of her pride.

She pulled away from him, trying to regain some control. "You leave."

He tried to resist the impulse to pull her back in his arms but couldn't, so he held her and whispered "You can't be here with me baby,. It's not safe . . . It's not right."

She pulled away and sat on the lower bunk. "Right for whom?"

"For both of us."

She fell back across the bed laying flat on her back. "Don't speak for me."

He started to pick up her clothes off the floor and handed them to her. "Get dressed."

She wasn't about to make it easy for him. "If you want me to leave then you get me dressed."

"Cristina!"

She stopped him. "No, you took my clothes off. If you want me to leave, put them back on."

He reached out and took the undershirt from her and started to pull it over her head. "You shouldn't be walking around here like this."

She pretended not to know what he was talking about. "Walking around here like what?"

"Without a bra on."

"I don't need a bra."

"Yes you do. Now, stop acting like a petulant child and hold your hand up so that I can get this shirt on you."

She lifted her hands above her head, and as he pulled the shirt down, his hand brushed lightly against her naked breast. He stopped momentarily, his hand frozen. She brought her hand up and covered his, holding his hand flat against her breast. He could feel her heart beat. His body's reaction to being in such intimate contact with her was immediate and uncontrollable. She was the one temptation he couldn't resist. Leaning in he replaced his hand with his mouth. She gasped again and brought her hands up to hold his head firmly against her breast. She groaned and murmured his name. Moments later he joined her in the bed. He had lost the battle and leaving was no longer an option.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

_The show Grey's Anatomy and the characters are the sole property of Shonda Rhimes and do not belong to me._

Sleep did not come easily, and when it did she slept sporadically until morning. Luckily for her, she had the day off, a whole day to contemplate what took place the previous evening. It has been twelve hours since she last saw him. Twelve hours since she woke up naked in the on call room arms and legs entwined with his. The high she experienced during their coupling, now replaced by the physical ache of a body that for so long had no sexual contact with another human being. He aroused her in ways she never felt possible and made her feel things and want to do things. The childish game she played to get him in that bed backfired and now all she knew was that she wanted more, and that scared her. She thought that it would be so easy to have sex with him without forming any emotional attachment. Now she realized that the emotional attachment started long before they had sex and goes back to the night they first met.

She showered and stood naked looking at herself in the bathroom mirror. Evidence of what they had done the evening before written all over her body, he was thorough. No place was left untouched. She ran her fingers across her lips. They were still a bit swollen and like other parts of her anatomy, was still tender to the touch. Despite the lingering discomfort, he had been incredibly gentle with her. Treating her as if she was something precious and fragile that he didn't want to break. The little aches and pains were a small price to pay for what turned out to be the best sex she has ever had. There were no words to describe how incredibly good he was. He didn't just take but gave her so much in return. He led and she followed. Made her scream and rendered those screams redundant by covering her mouth with his, swallowing every sound. She gave as much as she got until everything became a blur, and there was no distinction between the leader and the follower.

She got dressed, wearing her hair down so as to cover the little red spots scattered randomly at the base of her neck and trailing downwards. It would take days for those little marks to disappear. She applied lip gloss and a little perfume. This morning she had an overwhelming feeling of being a woman and wanting to feel like one. As she pulled into the hospital's parking lot, her nerves took over. The confidence she had earlier had disappeared and now she couldn't face him. What if having sex with him changes the way he sees her? What if he believes that she sleeps around? What if all he wanted was to have sex with her and nothing more? When did she start to care? Why couldn't she get him out of her head? All the questions came flooding through her mind and all she wanted to do was forget. She felt naked, not in the physical sense but the feeling that anyone looking at her could read her thoughts. In the midst of passion it was so easy to bare her body in his presence. Now in the absence of that passion she wondered if she may have also bared her soul.

She glanced in her rare view mirror to make sure she looked presentable, run her fingers through her hair, picked up her purse and left the car. She would not let it consume her. She was Cristina Yang and Cristina yang did not allow anyone or anything to cause her to lose focus. Head held high she entered the hospital, determined to put the events of the previous evening behind her. Work she thought would be the one thing to eradicate Burke from her thoughts. It was the perfect antidote, Or so she thought.

It's morning at Burke's house and he is restless. He had done the one thing that he thought he would never do. After years of working in the hospital he had become accustomed to rumors of affairs between interns and their superiors. It was something that he didn't approve of, something that he couldn't imagine himself doing. Now, he was caught up in the same web of deceit. He knew that he should feel terrible about it. That he should regret his one moment of weakness, he couldn't. She had accomplished in one night what many have failed to do in years. She made him feel whole again. Made him forget about responsibilities and surgeries and broken hearts, forced him to be Preston instead of Doctor Burke. He wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as he could. Deep in his heart he knew that he had reached the point of no return. He had fallen in love with her. Realizing that should have made him happy, it was a moment to be savored. Instead he felt sad, defeated, because deep down he knew that there was one thing that could come between them, one thing that could compete with her for his affections and possibly win, his driving ambition to become chief of surgery.

His position at the hospital and the possibility that he may someday be named chief had always been his first priority. There was no room in his life for relationships and love was definitely the last thing on his mind. He wasn't looking. Now, here he was having sex in an on call room with an intern, who like him, is highly ambitious, and far from ready for a serious relationship. He wondered if she was regretting it. Or, if like him, she was sitting at home on her bed thinking. Now he understands how others find themselves caught up in such situations. How difficult it was to be objective when your emotions are involved. Clearly a sacrifice had to be made, but which one. He could choose to continue having a clandestine sexual relationship with her or he could give up any hopes of becoming chief. .. He could never give up on his dream of becoming chief. It was what he was born to be. So the decision was made. She would be his sacrifice.

The decision made, he got up from his bed and went to the bathroom to shower. Like her, his body had signs of their encounter the previous evening. There were tiny cuts where her fingernails entered his skin. He would cut those nails himself if he had to. She was a surgeon after all. Surgeons should not have sharp nails. The memory of her nails digging into his skin in the heat of passion and the realization that it could never happen again made him sad. He was sure that he had left marks on her skin as well. In some ways he wished that he didn't have to shower. In his mind he was washing away all evidence of their evening together. He wanted to remember all of it, the sight, the sound, the scent, the taste, the feel of her. Being with her was wrong but he would not trade that experience for anything. They were good together and even though he was by far the more experienced. By the time it was over, he felt as though he had been schooled. She elicited feelings and actions from him that even he couldn't control. He was left spent and drained, unable to utter a coherent word, unable to find the strength to separate himself from her, unwilling to concede that in her he had finally met his match. And so he slept until late in the night when he awoke in the on call room and she was gone.

At the hospital he starts to search for her but to no avail. Cristina was busy trying to avoid him while he was trying to find her. She surprised Bailey by being especially nice that Morning, bringing her a Mocha Latte and asking to be assigned to Derek Shepherd. She even said please. Prompting Bailey to ask if she was okay. After much debate, Bailey conceded and Cristina was assigned to Shepherd.

Burke became concerned. He was in the middle of surgery but constantly kept checking the gallery for her. It was not like her to miss out on any surgery. She would always be there watching him like a hawk. The surgery ended and still she didn't make an appearance. Burke scrubbed out and started the search again, but finally had to give up. She was always one step ahead of him. So his day ended without him seeing her.

On the second day after their encounter, he found her. By then all thoughts of breaking things off with her disappeared. His only concern was for her and her well being. He had spent the night worrying. Every time his phone rang he hoped that it would be her. Sleepless most of the night, he was thankful for the break of day. He would find her no matter what it took. He didn't have to search very hard. He was walking from the locker room toward the surgical floor when he saw her coming straight toward him. Upon seeing him she quickly slipped into a vacant operating room. When he entered the room, she was standing directly behind the door, ready to slip out as he came in. He blocked her escape. She walked over to an old stool and sat on it. He walked over to her and stood directly in front of her. For a moment neither of them said anything, then he spoke.

"Look at me." He said quietly.

She didn't look at him but began to speak "I heard that they used to do a lot of surgeries in this Or. I wonder why they hardly use it anymore, . . . Meredith's mom used this room a lot. I would have loved to see her in action . . . If it needed to be cut open, dissected, Whatever, It happened here . . . We had sex Burke . . . don't try to dissect it and make something out of it that it isn't."

Her words stung but he knew that she was scared. Fearful of something she didn't quite understand.

"No, no dissecting here . . . I've been looking all over for you today."

"Yeah, why?"

"I wanted to talk to you"

"I don't want to talk about it." She cut him off immediately.

"You don't? .. We can't pretend it never happened?"

She kept her head down, not wanting him to see her eyes for fear that he would be able to guess her true feelings. "It works for me."

"Well it doesn't work for me . . . We need to talk, away from the hospital."

"Why is it necessary to talk about it? It's just sex Burke. People do it every day. I guarantee you that right at this very moment, someone somewhere is doing it. It is no big deal."

The fact that she could so easily dismiss what they had as just sex bothered him, he wanted her to feel the same things he felt, to value the experience the way he valued it.

"The way you sound right now, leaves me no choice but to wonder how many times you've done this before, and with whom."

"And that would be none of your business."

She sounded angry and that surprised him. She wasn't the same Cristina of a couple of nights ago. "Cristina please, talk to me."

"It was a mistake" she interjected. "It was temporary nymphomania, consider it repayment."

"Repayment for what?"

"For rescuing me that night . . . for me vomiting all over you . . . for all of it." She heard herself saying the words, knew that it was wrong but couldn't stop herself. The regret was immediate but too late. The room was silent. He didn't say a word. She wanted to look at him, to see his eyes. He had very expressive eyes and she wanted to see if her words had the effect that she thought it did. She knew that the part of her that wanted to destroy the relationship before it began had finally won. It made her sad. This was not the way she thought it would be. She wasn't prepared for how it made her feel. She tried to make amends "Burke I . . . "

"Don't" his voice was harsh but controlled. "Don't tell me you're sorry for what you just said because you're not . . . I don't know who you are or how the hell I allowed myself to become involved with you. To even suggest that you chose to repay a kindness with sexual favors' makes you nothing but a . . . " He stopped, annoyed with himself for allowing her to bate him. I never asked to be repaid, never wanted to be repaid. , But if last evening was repayment then you still owe me Dr. Yang, It wasn't up to par. She held her head down. Ashamed of what she had done. When she looked up the only indication that he was there was the door swinging back and forth.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

_The show Grey's Anatomy and the characters are the sole property of Shonda Rhimes and do not belong to me._

Two weeks passed and they barely spoke to each other, at least not verbally. She never tried to scrub in on any of his surgeries and on rare occasions when she had the opportunity, he would always pick someone else. As time passed it became increasingly impossible for them to avoid each other without drawing attention to themselves. She missed him, he missed her but they were both too stubborn to concede. In the interim life went on and Seattle Grace was the better for it. Burke was Burke, efficient, focused highly professional. And Cristina as usual, excelled in everything she did. No one could have guessed that their person lives were in shambles. None of their friends knew that they had become lovers. Late one evening while on call she was trying to take a nap in the on call room when he entered. At first she pretended to be asleep, hoping that he would leave. He didn't. So she opened her eyes.

"Do you realize that someone could walk in here any minute and see you here?" He didn't immediately answer her question.

"I locked the door." He stood there watching her and remembering what happened the last time they were in an on call room together. She closed her eyes and he started to speak again.

"I'm going away for a few days."

"So"

He smiled. She was still his Cristina, still very defiant. "So behave yourself while I'm gone."

She wanted to know where he was going and why but couldn't muster up enough courage to ask. Instead she took the easy way out, pretending that she didn't care. "Don't worry. I won't be sleeping with any other attendings. I'm cured."

"Cristina"

"It's Dr. Yang."

"Dr. Yang, You don't want to talk about what happened between us and I'm not going to force you . . . I want you to think about something while I'm gone. I want you to think about what you want from this relationship . . . what you want from me."

"We don't have a relationship and I don't want anything from you."

He came close to the bed and kneeled down. His movements toward the bed caused her to look up and their eyes met. He raised an eyebrow. "No"

"No" she answered, looking away. He reached out and turned her head so that she was facing him. "Liar" he said softly as he leaned in and gently kissed her lips. At first there was no response from her but she didn't pull away or offer any resistance. He felt her lips tremble confirming what he already knew, that she was not as indifferent to him as she pretends. He kissed her again, this time harder. Inadvertently her hands went up around his neck, her fingers in his hair holding him to her and returning the kiss with so much passion that she not only surprised him but herself. Reluctantly he released her. His body was about to betray him and he didn't her to know. He brushed her hair from her face and gently kissed her on her forehead. "Good night Cristina."

"It's Dr. Yang." She said momentarily, but it was too late, he had already left the room.

The next few days were the worse since she started at Seattle Grace. For the first time she knew what it felt like to be lonely. She couldn't understand it. She had Meredith and Izzie and Alex and George. Those were her friends. The people she bonded with. Burke was just the person she had sex with. Try as she may, she couldn't rationalize it. She missed him terribly. She was not the type to discuss her personal feelings with anyone, not even her friends. Now for once she wished that there was someone she could talk to. She had that someone, it was Burke. With him she didn't have to have long drawn out discussions, didn't have to say everything she feels. He knew. He was the only one who had seen her cry, the only one who could comfort her with a simple hug or a kiss on the forehead. He knew when to ask questions and when to simply hold her close. But even if he were there, he couldn't comfort her this time. He was the source of her problems. If she believed in God or miracles, She would think that he was a miracle sent from God, But a long time ago God took something from her that was just as precious and she didn't trust that god wouldn't take Burke as well.

Little did she know how close her fears were to becoming reality. A week passed and she didn't hear anything about him. As the end of the second week neared she began to hear rumors. At first there were just whispers, then the whispers became louder. She

heard through the hospital grape vine that he had gone on vacation for a week. He had told her that he would be away for a few days. It was the longest week in her life. She missed seeing him, missed observing his surgeries. She missed just knowing that he was there, even if she didn't get to scrub in with him. There were rumors circulating in the hospital grapevine that he was sick. She couldn't concentrate, not even on work. Her own feelings surprised her and scared her at the same time. He always seemed so healthy, so strong. Now, he was somewhere in a foreign country, sick.

She consumed herself with work and a few days later decided to take matters into her own hands. She heard that he was back home but needed extra time to recover. No one said what exactly happened to him. All she knew was that he was sick. She needed to see for herself that he was home and that he was okay. It never occurred to her that he may have company. That she should phone before showing up.

It took several loud knocks on his door before anyone answered. She waited. Momentarily, the door opened and he stood there, a surprised look on his face. She didn't know what to say to him. He was the first to speak. "Dr. Yang, what are you doing here?"

She started to stutter, unable to form the words. He stood there just looking at her, seemingly enjoying her discomfort.

"I..."

Before she could finish, a voice came from inside the apartment. "Preston, darling, I must go now, thank you so much for dinner." The voice was heading toward them. Cristina began to step away from the door, Burke reached out to take her hand but she pulled away, at the same time the voice appeared. It was Burke's date from the mixer. She felt nauseous just like she did that very first night. The woman looked at Cristina and recognition registered in her face. Burke reached out and grabbed Cristina's hand and held it tight. The woman picked up her purse and headed for the door. "Don't bother walking me out Preston, I see you have company, behave yourself." As she reached the door she reached up and kissed Burke on the cheek and to Cristina she said. "It's a small world isn't it, Dr. Yang." And she was gone.

With his guest gone Burke pulled Cristina into the apartment and locked the door. "So tell me, What are you doing here?" Before she could answer, he continued " This isn't a part of your little scheme to repay me is it? ...Because if it is, I want you to know that I consider myself paid in full." He was smiling, obviously joking but she was in no mood to laugh.

"Oh, I thought you said that I owe you, that it wasn't up to par."

She turned and faced the door, intending to leave.

He blocked her way. "Tell me why you came."

"It's not important. I should leave."

"You're not leaving."

She looked in his eyes, then looked down at the floor. "You can't force me to stay here."

"I'm not forcing you. To stay here, I'm asking you."

"I'm tired, I need to go home and take a shower." She sounded and looked tired. Weeks of not sleeping well had taken its toll. It was obvious to him that she was not taking care of herself.

"You can take a shower here, better yet, I'll run you a bath."

"Did you run a bath for your girl friend too?" Just the thought that he could be as intimate with someone else as he had been with her bothered her. Whoever the woman was, Cristina didn't like her.

Burke answered her question. " I told you before she is not my girlfriend."

While he spoke, he removed her bag from her hand and was beginning to take her coat off. She resisted, reiterating that she had to go home. Burke was insistent. "Don't fight me on this, okay. You're tired, you look tired' you shouldn't be driving."

There was something in his voice that drew Cristina's attention. He looked tired himself, a little thinner. She needed to know that he was okay, and so she asked. "What's wrong with you?"

He was not expecting her question. She was concerned for him and no matter how she tries to hide it. Her voice betrayed her. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine."

She was looking at him as if she was searching his face for a sign that was telling her the truth. He couldn't lie to her.

"A couple of friends and I went on vacation in South America. It was more like a working vacation . . . We volunteered at a hospital there. I contracted a virus . . . I was sick for a few days . . . a viral infection...I'm better now."

She reached up and almost touched his face then realized what she was doing and pulled back. "Are you sure?"

He was startled by the concern in her voice. "Yes, I'm sure."

They stood there just looking at each other, neither one knew what the other was thinking. Cristina broke the silence. "Did she go with you?"

"Yes, She's a doctor Cristina."

"I see" She looked away. "I don't think it's a good idea for me to stay here."

He didn't say anything but held her hand and led her toward the couch. "I want you to sit here for a few minutes. I'm going to get your bath ready."

He left her and went into the bathroom. A few minutes later he returned, towel in hand, but he was too late. She was already fast asleep. The bath would have to wait. He picked her up from the couch and take her to the bedroom. Like he had done once before, he changed her clothes, putting her in one of his shirts and put her in his bed and covered her. As usual he slept in the couch and for the first time in weeks he slept like a baby. It's amazing how when they were apart, they were miserable and unable to sleep. Now, under the same roof, they slept peacefully, each knowing that the other was just a room away.

In the early hours of the morning his sleep was interrupted by movements in the apartment. Judging from the lack of light from the window, he could tell that it was still very dark outside. He fumbled around for his watch. It was just after 3:A.M. He could hear the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Someone was taking a shower. He decided to stay where he was. He didn't want to startle her or make her feel uncomfortable. Minutes later the water was turned off and he heard the bathroom door open. She came to the entrance of the living room paused and looked toward the couch. In the darkness of the room she couldn't see that he was awake but aided by the pale light from the bathroom he could see her. She was wrapped in a towel, her hair loose and unruly. The sight of her had him thinking how easy it would be to simply remove that towel and reveal what was beneath it. He banished the thought from his mind. She was his guest and if he thinks of her in that capacity, then they would survive the rest of the night until morning when she leaves.

There were no sounds coming from the bedroom and he was beginning to think that she had gone back to bed. He was about to doze off when she entered the room again. This time she came right next to the couch and just stood there as if in deep thought. "Burke" She called his name softly, on one hand wanting him to hear her, On the other hoping that he didn't. She was about to walk away when he reached out and took her hand pulling her down on the couch, she didn't resist. He moved over making room for her. Wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her close. She smelled good. The mixture of soap and water combined with her own unique scent act as an aphrodisiac and he couldn't resist her, although he tried. "We shouldn't do this. You should go back to bed."

She moved closer and buried her face in his chest, ignoring his plea. "I didn't mean it . . . It wasn't repayment."

His arms tightened around her. Trying to control the excitement he felt at just hearing her say those words. "I missed you." He sounded sad, as if the memory of not seeing her for almost two weeks was too much to bare.

"I thought something happened to you." He could feel her body tremble as she finished the sentence. She tried to pull away but not soon enough. He felt the wet warm tears as it fell from her eyes onto his bare chest. He pulled her closer and in the darkness raised his hands to her face and wiped her tears away. "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying." She could control her words but couldn't control the trembling of her body. He pulled her closer and just held her. "Thank you."

Surprised at hearing those words from him she asked. "For what?"

"For caring."

"I didn't say I cared . . . I said I thought something happened to you."

He smiled. It was so like her to try to cover up how she really feels.

They laid there in silence, neither one wanted to move. Just being close was enough. And then she asked. "Did you sleep with her?"

"With whom?"

She hesitated, realizing that she didn't know the other woman's name "Your friend . . . although she looked more like a bloodhound to me."

"She's not a dog Cristina . . . and no, I didn't sleep with her." Despite his annoyance that she was calling his friend a Bloodhound, he was amused that she was showing signs of jealousy.

"Well, I could've called her a bitch but I didn't want to insult all the other bitches in the world."

"Cristina!"

"Have you ever slept with her?"

"Cristina! ...go to sleep."

"I've had enough sleep for one night . . . You go to sleep."

Again silence enveloped them. She was lying in his arm, a towel draped around her body and she had no clue of how that affected him, or if she did, she didn't care.

"You can't have sex with me if you're having sex with her."

"Okay"

She waited to hear him expand on the okay and when he didn't she pulled away from him and went toward the bedroom. She loosened the towel and it fell to the floor. She was looking around for her clothes when he walked in holding them. Except for the light coming from the lamp on the night stand the room was relatively dark. She didn't try to cover herself but walked toward him and attempted to grab the clothes from his hand. He grabbed her instead. "Did I say something to upset you?"

"No" She answered too quickly, he knew that she was lying.

He pulled her into his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head. "You look good wearing just your hair" he ran his fingers through her curls. "I'm not having sex with her." She leaned back into his body, unable to resist being close to him.

"You can't even see me clearly."

"No" he said tracing his hand down her body..."But I can close my eyes and I would still know what you look like.. I know every crevice, his hand traveled lower, every corner, and lower, every sensitive place on this body."

She gasps and at that moment he lowered his head and kissed her. The last of the night sky was beginning to fade and the light of the moon peeked through an opening in the blinds casting a golden ray on the two bodies feasting off each other. He picked her up and brought her to the bed. Something he had dome several times before. This time however, he didn't leave her, couldn't leave her. This time he stayed and lost himself in the enigma called Cristina.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

_The show Grey's Anatomy and the characters are the sole property of Shonda Rhimes and do not belong to me._

She was up at the crack of dawn. Got dressed quickly and quietly left the apartment. He would awake later and find her gone. It was becoming a part of her mystique. Spend a few incredible hours with him, have the best sex in the world then disappear. He was looking forward to going to work. She would be there. He hoped that the hide and seek between them was finally over and that they could be much more than Intern and attending with a little sex in between.

At the end of the day he went straight home to shower and change. He was meeting Bill, an old college friend for dinner. He really would prefer to stay home instead of going out, but his friend was only visiting Seattle and he didn't know when they'd see each other again. He met Bill at his hotel and they went to the Hotel bar to have a drink before dinner. They drank and talked about old times but Bill noticed that his friend was not really there. He knew that there were only two things that would make his friend so troubled, women and work. For all that he knew everything was all right with work so that left one thing.

"So Preston, who's the girl?"

Bills question surprised him. "What girl?"

"You tell me. You're distant and this seems like the last place you want be . . . Hey, I'm your friend. So tell me, who's the girl?"

"There's no girl."

Bill smiled. He knew Preston very well. They were college room mates and had become very good friends. "Preston, you haven't heard a word I've said in the last half hour. I told you that my wife and I are planning to have a baby and you say nothing. I told you we want you to be the god father and you say nothing . . . who is the girl?"

"She's not a girl . . . she's . . . "

"She's what man?"

"She's someone I have no business getting involved with . . . she's trouble."

"She's trouble. And you've fallen for trouble?"

To hear someone else say that he had fallen for Cristina validated what he already knew. " I didn't say that I have fallen for her. I said she was trouble."

"Does trouble have a name?"

"I can't tell you that."

"So you're protecting her, from me, your best friend. Then she is someone you work with."

Burke didn't answer and it dawned on Bill. "Preston, don't tell me she's an intern."

"Okay, I won't tell you."

"Preston, listen to me. You've been around interns your entire adult life. There are two types. The ones who will bend over backwards for you, and I mean that literally, and the ones who are afraid of you."

Burke answered defensively. "She's neither."

"Then you have a problem."

"So how do I solve it?"

"Well they say the first step in resolving a problem is to admit that you have a problem . . . You, my friend, have just admitted that you're in love with trouble."

Burke sipped on his drink but said nothing. Bill was still a little bit shocked. It used to be that he was the one with lady problems and Burke was the one dishing out the advice. For the first time the tables were turned. "You know it's not a crime to date an intern. It could cause some problems with her peers . . . may cause some serious problems for you career wise, but there is nothing standing in your way legally . . . Question is. Is she worth the risk? ... Why don't you just sleep with her? Just screw the girl. That could cure you."

Burke stopped looking in his glass and looked at his friend for the first time since they sat down. "Who said I want to be cured? ...Maybe she's worth the risk"

"Does she know how you feel?"

Burke thought about Bill's question. It never occurred to him that Cristina may not know his true feelings for her. "I don't know if she knows . . . She could have guessed . . . I've never really said anything."

"Then think it over carefully man, and go with your gut."

"Do you remember what happened the last time I went with my gut?"

Burke's question took Bill by surprise. He had forgotten how vulnerable his friend still was.

"Look, Preston, don't let what happened before interfere with your life now . . . If you like this girl, go for it.

Burke smiled for the first time that evening. "When did you become so philosophical? ... that used to be my job."

Bill smiled at his friend. They had been through so much together, college, girls, relationships, marriage, heartbreak They'd been through it all and had been each other's sounding board. He hoped that this time his friend would find the kind of woman he was looking for, someone who deserves him. Bill lifted his glass. "Let's make a toast."

Burke lifted his glass. "What are we toasting?"

"This one's to new beginnings." Bill said, sounding a little sad. Although he was happy that his friend was finally putting the past behind him. He couldn't help feeling a little like he was being replaced. He was losing his friend again, to a woman.

"To new beginnings Burke said, and to old friendships."

The remainder of the evening was spent reminiscing about the old days at Tulane and Bill's quest to become a father. Afterwards the two friends parted company with Bill promising to phone before catching his flight the following day.

Burke went straight home after dinner. His conversation with Bill confirmed what he already knew. He had fallen in love with Cristina. He no longer cared about the possible damage to his career. There must be a way to have his career and Cristina too. He wasn't entirely sure of her feelings for him. He knows that she cares but to what extent, he was uncertain. It didn't matter. He would wait, no matter how long it takes.

Early the next morning he awakes to the sound of his alarm clock going off. He must have slept Straight through the night because the sun was now shining through his window. This would be a long day for him as he had back to back surgeries scheduled. The day was perfect. Cristina was assigned to him and they had the best day working together. She was smart and he understood why she was always first in her class in college. Show her a scalpel and its like showing candy to a child. She gravitates toward it, wants to touch it. She simply amazed him. He was nothing like her when he was an intern, and he had not seen anyone like her before. She seemed happy. The happiest he'd ever seen her. After scrubbing out from Burke's surgery she disappeared and he didn't see her for the rest of the day. His day turned out longer than he expected as he had to perform emergency heart surgery on a patient. He was exhausted but wanted to see Cristina before leaving the hospital. She was on call again so he knew that she was still there.

He found her in the on call room taking a break. He thought that she would be exhausted but instead she proclaimed the day to be the best day in her career. Medical crisis seemed to bring out the best in her. She seemed to get an adrenalin rush just thinking about surgery. The more complex the surgery, the better. In the middle of going on about her surgeries she realized that he was not really listening. "What?" she asked bewilderedly.

"Do you remember what I said to you before I went away?"

"No" she lied

"Think. I'm sure you'll remember."

She knew that the game was up and it was time to pay the piper. Her expression changed and sadness replaced the joy of having a successful day in surgery. "Burke, you're looking for something that I can't give you right now . . . You're looking for exclusivity and I can't commit to that. The only thing that I can commit to right now is my career . . . I'm sorry"

He felt like a fool. The silence that followed her little speech seemed to stretch on forever. He turned and walked toward the door. She felt a lump starting to form deep in her throat. "Burke"

She called after him, not wanting him to leave like that.

He turned around and faced her, an unreadable expression on his face. He stared at her until she looked away and then he said the three words that she was not prepared to hear him say. "Goodbye Dr. Yang."

He walked out into the cool evening air and headed for his car. The drive home was tedious and he swore under his breath at the other drivers who chose that night to be careless. Inside the sanctity of his apartment he grabbed his trumpet and started to play. It was a night for sad songs. He played until late into the night. Then he put the Trumpet away and headed for the shower. He scrubbed himself so hard as if by doing so he was scrubbing her away. Afterwards he grabbed a book and tried unsuccessfully to read it. Finally he gave up got a beer from his fridge and stood at his window looking out into the darkness. Maybe he thought. Love was God's way of punishing us for our sins. Maybe like sex love wasn't meant to last forever. Like sex, love must always come to a climactic end, and then we wait, until the next time.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I've gone back and forth with whether or not I should continue to update this story, given what we now know. I've decided to continue it.

Their story may have ended on Grey's Anatomy but for us, the fans who love them, their story will live on in our hearts and in our fanfics. Thanks to everyone who have sent me PM's requesting updates. Sorry it took so long. To the person who promised me a castle in exchange for an update, here's your update...Now hand over the castle.

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

Catalyst 11

It was late in the evening, when Cristina walked out of the doors of Seattle Grace Hospital and headed to her car. In the distance, she could see the sun setting and it occurred to her that the beautiful sunset could be a metaphor for her life. Her relationship with Burke was just as bright and vibrant and beautiful but like the sun, darkness overshadowed it and now it was no more. The sun, however, has a chance for renewal. Tomorrow it will rise again, just as bright maybe more beautiful. There was no chance for her and Burke. What started out so innocently had quickly turned into something else which she could not define. It was that indefinable something that had brought her to tears earlier and left her feeling sad and empty. If only he could understand she thought, that even though she was afraid of committing to a relationship with him, she needed him, and something tells her that he needed her too.

At home that evening she sat on the floor unpacking boxes that had been sitting in a corner of her living room since the day she moved to Seattle. Surrounded by clutter, she was frantically rummaging through a box containing old photo albums and scrap books from her years at college. At the bottom of the box she found what she was looking for. It was a small picture frame containing a picture of the only other man for whom she had cried, her dad. She picked up the frame, removed the back of it and pulled out an old newspaper clipping. The clipping shows the picture of a small child standing by the side of the road being comforted by a police officer. The child looked scared, with tears running down her face, her arms outstretched toward what appeared to be the remnants of what used to be a motor vehicle. Printed in bold letters on that old piece of paper was the heading "Child survives horrific crash which claimed the life of her father."

Cristina stared at that clipping for a long time, then gently folded it up and returned it to its place in the back of the picture frame. No one else knows that it was there. She had found that clipping in a scrap book that her mother had hidden away from her. She doubts that her mother even knew that she had taken it. She replaced the back of the frame, and took the picture to her bedroom and placed it on her night stand. Hers she thought, would always be a lonely existence. Her father, though gone for years has always been a constant companion, but he existed only in her memory. He could not talk to her or dry her tears when she cries. The only other man who had come close to replacing her father was Burke, and he rejected her. He couldn't understand that she was giving him all that she was capable of giving to someone else, for every bit of herself she gave him, he wanted more. She was on the verge of telling him that although she couldn't commit to an exclusive relationship with him. She would always be there, even for sex. But he wanted more than sex and so she reverted back to being that small, scared little girl standing at the side of the road. A little girl who since that day of accident had built a wall around her heart allowing nothing or no one to intrude, not even her own mother. A child who learned early in life that to love someone can be extremely painful when that someone leaves, and she was not willing to revisit that pain.

Her routine remained the same day after day. She worked hard and on rare occasions when she didn't sleep at the hospital she went home to a messy and lonely apartment. Days turned into weeks and as time distanced her from him, she began to accept that he would not change his mind. He was rigid and if he couldn't have all of her he didn't want any part of her.

If only she knew that he was missing her just as much as she was missing him. He had spent weeks trying to forget her and had finally given up. Forgetting her was not an option. She was everywhere, in his dreams, in his OR but mostly in his heart. When she wasn't assisting on a surgery, she was sitting in the gallery observing. A simple glance upwards and their eyes would meet. Sometimes she would quickly look away other times their eyes would lock and neither one wanted to be the first to look away. Sometimes he wondered if what he was seeing in those eyes were real or if he was just imagining things. He had tried to move on, after all, a couple of sleep overs at his house and two sexual encounters did not constitute a relationship. But moving on for him was virtually impossible. She was everywhere. A constant reminder of what could have been.

As time passed their peaceful coexistence at Seattle Grace continued. Late one evening he was called back to the hospital. One of his patients had been admitted to the hospital and required immediate surgery in order save his life. Burke worked late into the night operating on his patient. After finally leaving the OR, he ran into Derek Shepherd who was also working late that night. As they passed in the hallway, Derek stopped him. "Dr. Burke! What are you doing here so late?"

"Emergency heart surgery . . . what are you doing here so late?"

"Emergency brain surgery . . . very long . . . extremely complicated, the patient is still not out of the woods yet."

Burke looked at the doctor who was suppose to be his competition. He'd never seen Shepherd so unsure of himself. As doctors they were cocky but he knew where Derek was coming from. He wasn't sure if his patient would make it either so he tried to find the words to reassure his competition. "Well Shepherd, I'm sure you did your best."

Derek smiled, he didn't expect that from Burke. They were so busy disliking each other that they didn't realize how much they had in common. They were both dedicated and cared deeply about their patients.

"I did my best" Derek answered now all we can do is pray.

The two bade each other good night, and went their separate ways. It was very evident that despite their competitiveness, they respected each other as professionals.

As Derek walked away Burke headed in the opposite direction passing the OR that Derek had just exited. A couple of scrub nurses on their way home were loudly discussing Derek's surgery and how impressed they were with the new intern Dr. Yang. At the mention of Cristina's name Burke slowed his pace and waited for the nurses to get out of sight then he quietly opened the door to the OR and entered. He looked around, at first the place seemed empty. The patient was already moved to the recovery room. He looked toward the scrub room and there she was washing her hands. He entered quietly, and she turned around, looked at him, but continued washing her hands. He removed some paper towel from the dispenser and moved toward her, as he got closer he held out the paper towel to her but when she reached for it he took her hand and started to dry it. When he was finished, he took her other hand and dried that as well.

Her hand began to shake. He was making her nervous and just the mere feeling of him touching her was wreaking havoc with her nervous system. She tried to pull away but not hard enough. He was playing with her fingers, laying her palms flat against his as if he was measuring her tiny hands against his own. She didn't know what to say, could hardly breathe. He felt so familiar and for a brief moment she allowed herself to dream. Then suddenly the door to the OR opened and he let go of her hand and stepped away from her. The intruder was one of the scrub nurses from before. She looked around as if looking for someone then just as suddenly as she entered, she left. The interruption ruined the moment and Cristina took the opportunity to leave. Burke leaned against the wall of the scrub room and closed his eyes tightly. Nothing had changed, being so close to her was all it took.

After changing out of his scrubs and checking one last time on his patient, Burke decided to try and find Cristina before going home. He didn't have to look far, she was in the on call room, their on call room, sitting on a chair as if she was expecting someone. He entered the room and closed the door. He realized that there was something about that small windowless room that captivates them both. They have had a series of firsts in that room. Here where he first kissed her, where he first had sex with her and here where he truly accepted that he was in love with her. She looked up as he entered the room but made no attempt to leave. He knelt down in front of her and took her hands in his. "Can we talk?" He asked her solemnly.

If his hands holding hers, did not unnerve her, his soothing voice certainly did.

"There's nothing to talk about." She said calmly, but the emotion in her voice betrayed her.

For a moment he said nothing, but he wanted to tell her she was wrong. That they had a whole lot to talk about.

"Are you happy?" His question surprised her because she was thinking the same thing about him. Although she didn't understand why his happiness would mean anything to her.

"Why would my happiness concern you?"

He didn't want to answer the question so he changed the subject. "It's quiet here tonight. You should try to get some sleep."

She didn't say anything just stared at him. There was a sadness in her eyes, something alien to Cristina. She was never the sad type, she was brash and carefree and he knew that what she was showing him, was a part of herself that she would never show anyone else. He looked toward the bed. The sheets were rumpled as if someone else had slept there. He let her go went to the bed and started to remove the sheets.

"What are you doing?" She asked, surprised.

"Changing your sheets."

He walked out of the room and moments later returned with fresh clean sheets with which he made the bed. When he was finished, he turned to her and said "come on . . . get in."

At first she hesitated but she was tired and knew that he was right, she did need to rest. She removed her shoes and got in the bed and he pulled the cover over her. He turned the lights off and was about to leave when she spoke.

"Since you insist on treating me like a child shouldn't you be reading me a bedtime story?"

"You're not a child Cristina, and I never treated you like one . . . I don't have a book. I could tell you a story though, but I'm not very good at it . . . my talents lie elsewhere."

"I'm waiting."

He turned back toward the bed but left the lights off. He brought the chair closer to the bed, sat on it and started to speak.

"I won't say once upon a time" he said. "Because I don't believe in fairy tales."

"I didn't ask for a fairy tale!"

"There is this man and this woman" he started "and they need to talk."

"They need to talk because he can't sleep well at nights when they're not talking. They need to talk because he misses her. He wonders if she misses him too. They need to talk because to him, she is like that bright spark of sunlight bursting through the dark cloudy Seattle sky after the rain. They need to talk because she has the most infectious laugh and he wants to hear her laugh again . . . He wants to hold her and run his fingers through that tangled mess she calls her hair. He wants to take care of her because he gets the feeling that right now, she's not taking care of herself. She works too much, sleeps too little . . . On the surface she comes off as tough and fearless but underneath she is sweet and she cares and she is scared . . . He wants her to know that he understands, but that it's important that they talk because he lo . . . "

"Because he's an idiot." She interrupted

"Because he is an idiot." Burke responded laughing. He knew that she was not ready to hear the ending of that last sentence, so he said "Go to sleep Cristina,"

"you know that woman you talked about"

"Yeah"

"Maybe she doesn't sleep well when they're not talking either."

"You think so!"

"Yeah" she responded sounding sleepy and sad all at once.

Without another word he got in the bed, gathered her in his arms and held her until she sleeps. Then, he gently eased her head from off his chest, rested it gently on the pillow, got out of bed and left the room.


	12. Chapter 12

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

The legend of the Thorn Bird was borrowed from the book of the same name by Colleen McCullough

Catalyst Twelve

That night for the first time in weeks he slept peacefully. There was no sad trumpet playing, no dreams of her, just a deep peaceful sleep. When he awoke early the next morning, he felt more alive than he had felt in a long time. He made breakfast, enough for two, and packed some in a small plastic container and placed the container in a paper bag. His short commute to the hospital was over before he knew it and once he arrived, he went to the on call room looking for her, but she wasn't there. He decided to look out front of the hospital where he had found her one morning soon after they met. He remembered that she once told him that she liked sitting there early in the morning, breathing the clean air. His instinct served him right. She was sitting there, alone, a cup of coffee in her hand. He approached her quietly and handed her the bag. At first she didn't take it, just looked at him.

"It's breakfast" He said, taking her hand and placing the paper bag in it.

She took the bag and attempted to leave but he wouldn't let her.

"Cristina, don't leave, . . . eat your breakfast."

She opened the bag and held her head down trying to avoid his eyes. She secretly marveled at the fact that he knew what she liked to eat for breakfast.

"How's your patient from last night doing?" He asked, trying to get her to talk.

"He's fine" She responded. "He survived the night. That's all we can ask for."

"How's your patient from last night?"

"He is much better" Burke answered. "He's responding well. He'll have to hold off on running any marathons anytime soon but he'll be good as new in no time."

A smile creased the corners of her mouth. He was so sure of himself she thought, so good at what he does.

Another silence followed but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, they both had things to think about.

"Do you think that we can ever be friends?" he asked solemnly.

She contemplated the question before answering. "I've had many friends over the years, Burke, I've never slept with any of them."

"Answer the question Cristina."

"You're not my boss when we're out here Burke."

"I don't want to be your boss at all."

She got up off the bench. "It's getting late . . . rounds starts in fifteen minutes."

"Can I see you later?"

"No"

"Cristina!"

"What?"

"About last night"

"Last night ended hours ago . . . It's a new day . . . Besides, you're a lousy storyteller."

"I told you that I wasn't good at telling stories."

"Your story lacked balance." She said seriously . . . "You told it from the possessive male perspective. What he wants . . . how he feels . . . Maybe, your guy should give some thought to what the woman wants."

"That's all he's ever thought about."

"No" she answered, "It's not . . . If he had thought about it at all, he would never have left her alone in that bed last night."

Too shocked by her words to utter a reply, he stood there, his mouth wide open but no words came. She was gone and all he could do was smile and take comfort in the knowledge that last night was not a fluke. She wanted him to stay.

Throughout that day Cristina's demeanor changed. Her kindness, even to Alex, surprised everyone but no one commented on it. No, one except Meredith who couldn't resist teasing her friend about her cheerful mood, especially because that friend had been on call all night.

"So, you took a happy pill this morning!" Meredith asked teasingly.

"What?"

"You . . . You're happy and cheerful and you smiled at Alex during rounds. There's nothing interesting in terms of surgeries today, so what gives?"

"Mind your own business Meredith."

"I'm trying to Cristina, but your mood is throwing me off . . . are you keeping secrets from me?"

"Do you think that you're the only one around here who is allowed to have secrets?"

"No" Meredith answered "but you know all of my secrets."

"That's because you talk too much."

"Cristina!"

"What? What's with people calling me Cristina today . . . Whatever happen to Dr. Yang?"

"Yes, whatever happened to Dr. Yang?" Meredith asked loudly.

"Meredith, keep your voice down."

"Are you sleeping with someone?" Meredith asked

"Yes, I'm sleeping with someone are you satisfied."

"Who?"

As Meredith asked the question the locker room door opened and Alex entered.

"I'm sleeping with Alex Meredith . . . Go ask him."

Meredith approached Alex. "Alex, are you sleeping with Cristina?"

"Hell no! I'd rather sleep with a porcupine,"

Cristina smirked. " Is that why you've been scratching yourself all day, Alex, porcupine quills stuck to your body?"

Shut up Yang, I came in here to tell you that Dr. Bailey is looking for you. Apparently Dr. Burke wants you to scrub in on his surgery. Everyone around here gets to scrub in except me.

"That's because you're evil Alex."

"Yeah, and you deserve Burke. You're both uptight and obsessive. Maybe you could try sleeping with him because it's not gonna happen with me."

"Excuse me while I vomit." Cristina replied and quickly left the room.

Scrubbing in on Burke's surgery was the best part of her day. When she entered the OR, the scrub nurse was in the process of helping him with his gloves. He looked up as she entered the room and although he was wearing a surgical mask, she was sure that he smiled

The surgery was long and tedious but Cristina reveled in it. It was the kind of surgery for which she craves. Burke's expertise impressed her and she spared no words when complimenting him afterwards.

He didn't say much, there were too many people around, but just before they left the operating room, he came close to her and slipped something in the pocket of her scrubs. She was too shocked to react. He had never done anything so bold before, and she couldn't deny the excitement she felt as his hand traveled down her pocket. When he left the OR, she looked around to reassure herself that no one had seen the exchange between them. She knew, however, that she had nothing to fear. He wasn't reckless and would never do anything to jeopardize their position at the hospital.

In need of privacy, she went to the ladies room, removed the note from her pocket and read it. "I'm making you dinner tonight." He wrote, "please, come."

The ride to his apartment took longer than ususal. She drove slowly and almost turned back once. The excitement of returning to the place where she had shared so much with him was overwhelming. It had been weeks since she'd been there and she never dreamed that she would ever return. Memory of her last night there was still very fresh in her mind and it filled her with a strange euphoric feeling. The sound of sirens blaring, penetrated her thoughts. There was an accident up above and she was stuck in traffic.

Burke had gotten off work early and headed home stopping briefly at the market to pick up fresh vegetables. He still wasn't sure that she was coming but he was hopeful. He showered and changed into a pair of jeans and a simple t shirt. He looked so different without his scrubs on. Every muscle in his body seemed visible. Although his apartment was always neat and tidy, he checked it many times over to make sure everything was in its rightful place. It never occurred to him that Cristina could care less about the appearance of his home. He checked his watch. It was getting late. He put a CD on and turned the music down low. Dinner was done and still no Cristina. He scolded himself for believing that she would come. She never said that she would. He looked at the table set for two and the bottle of wine in the cooler. Then he went to the kitchen, turned the stove off and went to his bedroom. She wasn't coming and he had just lost his appetite.

The knock on the door was almost inaudible, and it took a few knocks before he heard it. Most of the apartment, except the bedroom was still in darkness. When he opened the door, she seemed surprised.

"I'm sorry I'm so late she started, I . . . "

"It's ok" He said reassuringly. "You're here. Nothing else matters."

As she entered the darkened room, he apologized and started going around the room turning on lights. The light in the dining area was left off but there were candles on the table which just needed to be lit. He got her seated in the living room then went to the kitchen to reheat their meal.

Everything about their dinner was wonderful, the food, the wine, the atmosphere. She had almost forgotten what a good cook he was. They talked all through dinner, about everything medical and nothing personal. When their meal was over, he offered her another glass of wine but she refused. "Are you trying to get me drunk?" She asked jokingly.

"I've seen you drunk . . . It's not a pretty picture."

"Why" she asked suspiciously

"Why what?"

"Why am I here tonight?"

"You're here to have dinner with me."

"Dinner is over."

"There's always dessert." While he talked, he started to clear the dishes from the table.

"I'm not going to be your dessert." She warned. "So wipe that smile off your face."

"That's okay...I'll be yours."

"Can I help with the dishes?" She offered but he declined.

'No, I have a dishwasher which I hardly ever use . . . Might as well put it to use tonight.

He loaded the dishwasher and they moved from the dining area to the living room. The calm they experienced during dinner was now replaced by sheer nervousness. In the background the music played soothingly, and she sat on the couch and stared out the window. It was a beautiful night and in the skies she noticed a few stars and a beautiful full moon. How ironic she thought. The song playing in the background was called shoot the moon and here she was staring at the most beautiful full moon. She was so deep in thought that she didn't notice that he had come to stand directly behind her. He didn't say anything. He just stood there watching her, watching the moon. He moved around the couch and was now in front of her. Sitting on the floor, he took her hands in his and said "We need talk."

She knew it was coming, knew that at some point they would have to discuss what it was that was happening between. She refused to think of it as a relationship. It was different and unique and it had taken a hold of her and refused to let her go. It made her want to push him away one minute and crave his presence the next.

"I heard of a legend" she said. "About a bird who searched for a thorn tree and seeks out its sharpest spike on which it impales itself, and as it dies, it rose above the pain and sang more sweetly than any other bird. The legend states that the bird gave up its existence for that one chance of singing sweeter than any other creature . . . The bird was stupid."

"The bird was not stupid." He countered. "I've heard of the legend too and the moral of it is that the best of everything we want, everything we have, comes at a cost, and sometimes that cost is quite painful."

" I'm not like the bird" She admitted a little sadly. "I can't give up any part of me for any reward no matter how sweet."

"I know Cristina . . . but if you lock yourself off for fear of losing it, you're missing out on some wonderful possibilities. . . . Besides, impaling yourself on me won't be so bad . . . I'm sure that I can make you sing sweeter than that insipid bird."

Her laughter echoed across the room, it was infectious and carefree and at that moment he realized how much he missed hearing her laugh.

He got up. Still holding her hands, he pulled her out of the couch and into his arms. "Dance with me" he whispered in her ear.

She looked at him alarmed. "You don't dance!"

"There is so much you don't know about me." He laughed.

He drew her closer in his arms and as Norah Jones Sang "_Come away with me_" they danced as if they were the only two people in the world. When the song ended, they didn't even notice. A new song started, something about a long day being over and she rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. In that moment she wasn't the intern and he wasn't the surgeon, they were just a man and a woman who against all odds, found each other.

After a while she whispered in his chest. "I have to go home."

"You are home."

She rested her head back in that familiar place against his chest. The music is wonderful she thought, but nothing beats the sound of his heart.


	13. Chapter 13

1So there's this Message Board that I visit quite often to lurk. Lately everytime I go there I get a PM saying "Please update Catalyst" or I'd read a thread and there it is again "I want an update on catalyst ...Now"... Well for everyone from that message board, I do read the messages and I get the hint and I thank you for your patience. This is for you...your update

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

**Catalyst Chapter 13**

_I love you._

The words echoed in his brain and escaped his lips but she wasn't there to hear them. It was the morning after and she had long since left for work. The memory of their time together still irrevocably etched in his mind. The most amazing thing about their evening was the simplicity of it. He didn't have to take her to a fancy restaurant or to an expensive show, although, for her, he would gladly do all those things. He got the feeling that she was no stranger to money but she was not one to brag or to live extravagantly. He liked that about her, but he also got the feeling that the story of her life was more complex than was obvious, and he would definitely like to explore that.

Sometimes he wished that he could lock her away in his bedroom forever. There, where she was different, and where she seems to forget everything else in her life and just be Cristina. In a way she reminded him of a story his grandfather once told him about a wild horse. It's beautiful and majestic, he said, as long as it remains wild and free. If caught, one might try to tame it, but it will never be entirely broken, for the freedom of the wild would always be in its blood. He realized that people like Cristina could not be locked away or tamed, and if he was honest with himself he would admit that he wouldn't want her any other way.

Their evening had been wonderful. He found out that she had an insatiable thirst for knowledge, especially where surgery was concerned. Several times during the evening he had tried to stump her by asking her questions regarding certain surgical procedures and she answered correctly every time. Whenever he tried to ask her anything personal though, she would change the subject. Still, he learned so much about her just by what she didn't tell him. And once in a while something slipped out and he would smile knowingly, because he knew that she would not willingly offer that information. They talked, in their own round about way, and he was satisfied because he felt that he had learned a little bit more about the woman, called Dr. Cristina Yang. He had fallen in love with her. Despite his vow to take things slowly, despite past experiences, despite Bill's warnings, he was in love with her. Now as he sat at his table having his breakfast, and attempting to read the morning's newspaper, he couldn't concentrate. So he put the paper aside and allowed himself to reflect on that most memorable evening, and an early morning shower that he would never forget.

It was not yet the break of dawn when he was awakened by the feel of soft lips brushing against his. Pleasantly surprised and wanting to see just where that kiss would lead, he pretended to still be asleep. It quickly dawned on him that she was saying goodbye, so he opened his eyes just as she was leaving the room and still groggy, he called out to her "Cristina"

She turned around quickly, surprised to hear his voice, as she thought that he was still asleep. "Burke, I have to go, I didn't want to wake you up."

"Have to go where? It's still very early, Come back to bed Cristina."

"I can't" She responded quietly, "I have to go home, get a shower and a change of clothes."

He got out of bed and walked toward her. "You can shower here."

"No, I can't, I . . . "

"Don't do this Cristina," he interrupted her, "Don't run away from me again." He was recalling what happened the last time she spent the night at his house. She had gotten scared and tried to sabotage their relationship by telling him that she was repaying him for all that he had done for

her.

"I'm not running away, I really have to go, besides I can't go to work smelling like I spent the night in some cheap brothel."

Without saying another word he stooped down and picked her up.

"What are you doing?" She asked frantically.

Heading toward the bathroom he answered "making sure you don't go to work smelling like

you spent the night in a cheap brothel."

"Burke, put me down" Her command fell on deaf ears as he opened the shower door and deposited her in. Initially the burst of water was so cold that she tried to get out, but he got in the shower with her and quickly closed the door. The water got warm and so did she and she allowed herself to relax and enjoy the pleasure of just being in such close confines with him. As he began to remove her clothes she felt a little nervous; it was so much easier to be naked in front of him when they were having sex than it was to share a simple shower with him. He finished removing her clothes, turned the water off and was in the process of soaping her up when she asked "Aren't you going to take off your clothes?"

Momentarily surprised, he answered, "no, but you can, if you want to."

Without answering she turned around and began to remove the only piece of clothing that he wore, his pajama bottom. Tasks completed, she took the soap and started to soap his body with her bare hands. He stood there, motionless, allowing her to do whatever she wanted to do with him. She had never shared a shower with a man before, but she felt no awkwardness. He allowed her to explore his body freely. Afterwards she turned the water back on and leaned back against him. Instinctively his arms circled around her and he pulled her close. They stood there, devoid of any clothing, exposed to each other, the water cascading over them.

In some ways their nakedness represented everything about their relationship. A fresh start, the baring of not only their bodies but their souls, the unspoken promise of something wonderful to come, the sharing and becoming one.

Moments passed and finally she pulled away and asked quietly "What are we doing?"

He knew what she was asking but didn't want to ruin their perfect morning by being too serious

"We're conserving water," he answered, "two showers for the price of one."

She looked at him surprised. He was doing what she had always done; avoid a topic by changing the subject. She reached up and touched his face, "I was right about you" she said quietly

"What" he asked bewildered

"Your feet" she continued, "You really do have big feet"

His laughter rang out in the apartment and he pulled her back in his arms. She had seen him smile so many times before, and secretly thought that he had the most beautiful smile, but he rarely laughed.

"My feet," he responded " is just the right size."

She didn't respond to his statement but stood there quietly, her back pressed against him, secretly enjoying the feel of his muscles flexing with her every touch. Finally she said. "I'm not having sex with you in the shower."

"I don't want to have sex with you in the shower," he lied.

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "Then tell your little friend to stop poking me in the backside."

Again, he laughed "Little friend?" He sounded alarmed "I think you're getting your adjectives mixed up Cristina, there's nothing little about me."

She started to laugh, "I was right again, you are hung up on size, maybe we should measure you . . . see how big those feet really are."

He turned the water off " We are not measuring me, besides I don't remember hearing you complain last night."

"I couldn't complain" she responded "I was fast asleep."

Immediately, he turned the water off, picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, "Well, you're wide awake now."

An hour passed before she could muster up the strength to leave the bed. "If I'm late for work or pregnant or if Dr. Bailey tries to kill me, I'm blaming you, Big Foot."

With that and a smile on her face, she got dressed and without eating any breakfast she attempted to leave the apartment, but he insisted on walking her to her car. Although it was still quite early in the morning they passed a several people on their way out, and she became concerned.

"What if someone from the hospital sees us?" she asked quietly.

He took her hand in his and try to reassure her, "no one's going to see us."

"But you don't know that." She answered, "There are hundreds of people working at the hospital, not just doctors. How can you be sure that someone else from the hospital, doesn't live here?"

They had reached her car and he turned her around to face him. "If I thought, for one minute that someone else from the hospital lives here, I would never let you come here."

She believed him but was still doubtful that he could protect her reputation if anyone at the hospital should find out. "I can't keep coming here."

"Does that mean that I can come to your place?"

"No, It means that you're my boss and I can't be seen with you outside the hospital."

"You're doing it again" he said solemnly

"Doing what again?"

"Trying to break up with me."

"There's nothing to break up." She regretted those words the moment she said them, but it was too late.

"Isn't there?" He inclined his head, looked at her, an expression of utter disappointment on his face . . . "Then your question earlier was valid. What are we doing . . . It's kind of strange, don't you think . . . of all the things we've been to each other, done with each other, you still don't consider this a relationship . . . Tell me Cristina, are you always so intimate with people you're not in a relationship with?... What constitutes a relationship to you?"

She hung her head, "I don't want to fight with you!"

"We're not fighting . . . we're talking."

"Have you ever thought about what would happen if all this comes to light? ...I'd be the intern who sleeps with her attending to get brownie points, and you'd be cast as the attending who took advantage of his intern . . . What we say or do will mean nothing. Because in the court of public opinion, we'd have broken the golden rules . . . and the price that you'd have to pay would be much greater that the price that I'd have to pay . . . I can't be responsible for that. You would end up hating me."

He smiled because it occurred to him that despite her claim that they were not in a relationship, she had given a lot of thought to their situation. And he finally realized that she was more concerned about the effect it would have on him rather than herself. She spent so much time hiding behind the facade of not caring, that it's so surprising when she let anyone in to get a glimpse of the real Cristina. Despite her fears, she was letting him in. "I have thought about it and whatever risks there may be, I'm willing to take it, because the reward is that much greater."

There wasn't much that she could say after that and in order to break the awkward silence between them he reached out and took her hand. "We can do this Cristina."

" I can't ruin this internship. I can't afford any scandals, it would kill my mother, and I definitely cannot be caught screwing my boss."

He pulled her in his arms, her back to him, his chin resting on the top of her head. "Your hair is still wet."

"Whose fault is that?"

"He isn't screwing you, you know . . . your boss isn't screwing you."

"He isn't? Then what was he doing with me most of last night and then again this morning?"

"That you'll have to figure out for yourself."

She leaned her head back in his chest, "I gotta go . . . Your little friend is at it again."

He laughed, she was right, "Get in the car Cristina."

She reached up and kissed him and then she whispered "If I missed out on any surgeries this morning, or if Dr Bailey tries to kill me because I'm late, I'll never forgive you."

He took her in his arms and kissed her lightly on her forehead

"If you missed out on any surgeries, I'll make it up to you."

"You promise?"

"I swear on my little friend" he said laughing

"Burke, you don't have a little friend" She got in her car and drove off, and he stood there and watched her drive away until the car was out of sight. Then he went back to his apartment and because it was still quite early, he went back to sleep.

When he awakened, the sun was beginning to rise. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. It had only been a matter of hours since he last saw her, but he couldn't wait to get to work so he would see her again. He tried not to think about the fears she expressed earlier. Deep down he knew that those concerns were valid, and if he wanted to continue a relationship with her, then he would have to find a way to make it work. They were two consenting adults but he was in a position of power and it could easily be said that he was taking advantage of her. Most important, he didn't want to do anything that would cause anyone to question his integrity or

undermine her internship at the hospital. She worked hard, sometimes too hard. She was on her way to becoming a very good surgeon and although she hadn't decided on a specialty yet, she showed a tremendous amount of promise in the area of Cardiothoracic surgery. He didn't want to give anyone reasons to doubt her abilities. In his heart he knew what he had to do, but he also knew that she would never agree to it. Theirs wouldn't be the first intern/attending relationship but he was determined to make it the right one. He didn't want her to be the subject of anyone's gossip or cause any scandal which she so feared. To that end he was willing to do anything. The only thing he wasn't willing to do was give her up. That was not an option.


	14. Chapter 14

1I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy and my use of the characters is done without consent. No copyright infringement intended.

**Catalyst Chapter 14**

Dr Bailey looked around the patient's room one more time. She was not in a good mood, and one of her interns was missing. She had given everyone their assignments and now she had to apologize to Dr. Burke because Cristina, whom she was to assign to him, could not be found.

"What do you mean she's missing Dr. Bailey?" He tried to keep the concern out of his voice but inside he was a little bit panicked.

"I don't know Dr. Burke, Cristina is not tardy, she's rarely ever late. I sent Grey to look for her."

"Don't worry Dr. Bailey, maybe she's just caught in traffic. It's not that urgent. We could wait a few minutes."

Bailey was surprised, "Cristina, Caught in traffic, The girl is here before anyone else every morning, she practically lives here. Something's wrong, it's not like her."

Bailey's innocent comments made him more concerned and he began to wonder if something might have happened to her after she left him. He thought it might be possible that she had met in an accident. The more he thought about it, the more worried he became but he had to remain calm and not appear overly concerned. As he stood there talking to Bailey, Meredith came back and informed them that Cristina had just arrived and was in the locker room changing her clothes.

"Well did she say why she's late." Bailey asked

Meredith looked confused "I don't know Dr Bailey, she seems ok to me, but when I asked she mumbled something about conserving water."

Bailey was miffed, " Conserving water, she chose this morning to become environmentally friendly."

Bailey was too angry to notice the smile that suddenly appeared on Burke's face and he walked away leaving the two women still trying to figure out what Cristina really meant.

She rushed in the OR almost out of breath and although he was wearing a surgical mask, something tells her that he was smiling. She had no way of knowing just how happy he was to see her. The morning had started off badly but now that she was there, everything was falling into place.

He told her to be prepared because the surgery was going to be long and difficult but she didn't understand just how difficult it would be until four hours later when they finally closed the patient's chest.

He was right. The surgery was long and difficult and twice they almost lost the patient, but he eventually pulled through and all the other doctors and nurses in the OR commented on Burke's

diligence and patience in his effort to save the patient's life. Cristina marvelled at his skill and as they went to scrub out she tried to talk to him but other doctors came in the room and she could say was "good job, Dr. Burke."

His only comment was "Thank you Dr Yang, " before washing his hands and leaving the room. She didn't see him again for the rest of the day, but she had other things on her mind. Meredith had called her several times during the night and because she was at Burke's and her phone was off, she didn't notice. Now she had to face her for lunch and she wasn't sure what to say to her.

When she walked in the cafeteria Alex was seated at their usual table but Meredith, Izzie and George were missing. She got her lunch and went to sit with Alex who took one look at her and said "Rough night Yang? You look tired"

"Leave me alone evil spawn. I'm not in a good mood."

"Then you're yourself then, I've never known you to be in a good mood."

"Shut up Alex or I'll stick this fork into you."

"Is it just me or do you just hate all men?"

"Leave her alone Alex." Meredith's voice came from behind her. Sitting down at the table Meredith turned to Alex, "Alex can you leave us for a few minutes. I want to talk to Cristina alone."

"Why You two had a lover's quarrel and now you wanna make up? I'm done here anyway, so see you later."

Alex left the table and Meredith sat down next to Cristina. "Dr. Bailey is mad at you."

Cristina hanged her head, "I already apologized to Bailey."

"How about to me?' Meredith asked " I left you three messages last night and you never called me back; then this morning you showed up for work with some lousy explanation about conserving water. What's going on with you, Cristina?"

"Are you my mother now?" Cristina asked annoyed.

"I'm your friend, and you've been very secretive lately, if you're in any kind of trouble I'd like to help."

"I'm not in any trouble Meredith, I went out last night and when I got back it was too late to phone you."

"Since when did lateness ever stop you from phoning me?"

"Maybe I've developed a conscience."

"Maybe you've developed a secret." Meredith countered.

Cristina didn't answer and after a while Meredith told her, "I'm going to find out you know."

"Find out what"

"Whom you're sleeping with."

"I'm not sleeping with anyone."

"No, is that why your lips look like you just got an injection of collagen?"

Cristina's hand instinctively went to her lips causing Meredith to laugh, " so you are sleeping with someone. Is it serious?"

Cristina considered the question for a moment, "I think it's serious, at least on his part, I don't know what to do."

"Well do you love him?"

"What's love got to do with it" She laughed nervously and then she decided to trust Meredith just a little but intentionally misled her so that she couldn't guess who it was. He is someone with a lot of authority, someone I can't name.

"Do I know him?" Meredith asked quietly.

"No, Meredith, this is not a McDreamy situation" Cristina answered, "of course you don't know him" and she surprised herself at how easy it was for her to lie if it meant protecting him.

"Well at least you're not seeing anyone from the hospital, especially if he is in a position of power . . . It hasn't been easy for Derek and me. It's not easy sneaking around even in your own house . . . It gets tiring."

"Do you love Derek?"

"Of course I love him, question is, am I in love with him?"

"Well are you?"

"I wish I knew the answer to that. Question, but I don't . . . Anyway, this is about you . . . and your mystery man, He isn't an axe murderer or anything like that, is he?"

"You, whose favourite recreational pastime is to pick up boys at joe's, . . . if you haven't picked up an axe murderer yet, why would I?"

Meredith' stared at Cristina with a look of horror on her face, "that was so uncalled for . . . Sometimes Cristina, it's the good girl that gets the bad guy."

"And sometimes," Cristina responded, "the good girl gets the guy."

"So he is the guy! ...You're in love with him."

"What? Of course not, he's just . . . " She broke of in mid sentence, Meredith's question caught her by surprise. She had never though about her feelings for him, never thought that it could possibly be love. She couldn't have fallen in love with him. She didn't fall in love. She had sex and for him she cared more than she had with anyone else, but it couldn't possibly be love. The more she tried to rationalize her feelings to herself, the more it became obvious to her. She was in love with him.

Without saying a word Meredith sat quietly watching her. Observing the different emotions as passed quickly across her friend's face, and she knew the exact moment that Cristina realized that she was in fact in love with her mystery man.

They looked at each other and all Cristina could say was "I'm screwed!"

The hour passed and they barely touched their lunches, but the afternoon wasn't wasted for both left knowing a little bit more about the other, and in essence solidifying their friendship.

The afternoon drifted by slowly. She hadn't seen Burke since the surgery that morning and wasn't sure if she wanted to see him again that day. Her realization at lunch only served to make her more anxious. She spent the rest of the afternoon doing what she considered babysitting one of Shepherd's young patient. The girl had been admitted to the hospital because she had attempted to climb out of her second floor bedroom window, after being grounded by her parents. She slipped and fell hitting her head on a rock in the garden below. The girl suffered some brain damage and was closely observed to ensure that her condition didn't worsen. She had completed that task and was on a short break when she observed him standing at the nurses station talking to Bailey. She tried to avoid him by turning in the opposite direction but he had seen her and as soon as Bailey left he came after her.

He caught up with her just as she was about to enter the on call room and after looking around to make sure that no one had seen them, he entered the room and locked the door. She was sitting on the bed and as he got closer she got up and started to pace around. He reached out and pulled her into his arms. She didn't resist, didn't feel like fighting him. For what seemed like an eternity he just held her and she had a strange feeling that he knew how she felt about him. But how could he she thought, when she had only found out herself. She could feel him take a deep breath and then he said "You gave me a scare this morning."

"How so?"

"You were late for work and no one seems to know where you were . . . I thought maybe you'd had an accident."

"That scared you?" She asked quietly, surprised that he was so worried about her.

He tilted her chin so that she could see his face, "yes," he answered "that scared me."

She looked away but he continued holding her. "I had to go home for a change of clothes and then on my way back there was an accident and traffic was tied up for a long time; That's why I was late."

He didn't say anything but she heard his quick intake of breath and felt his arms tightened around her. "Stay with me tonight?"

"I can't. I'm on call tonight." For the first time she felt a small conflict between her work and her personal life, and again surprised herself by secretly wishing that she could pass off her duties to someone else.

"We'll miss you."

"We?" She asked curiously.

"Hmm, me and my big feet."

Without thinking she laughed out loud and to stop her, he quickly placed his hand over her mouth, then when she quieted down, he replaced his hand with his lips. The kiss was gentle and light and she responded in kind. Then reluctantly, knowing that they both had to get back to work he ended it, but he couldn't bring himself to let her go so easily, so he continued to hold her. And then without any warning he knew the moment was right and so he told her. "Cristina"

"Hmm."

"I love you."

He felt the shiver as it cursed through her body. It scared her that much to hear those words. But he knew it was the right time to tell her. Just as much as he knew that it was time to leave her alone to contemplate what she just heard. And so he kissed her again and quietly left the room.


	15. Chapter 15

Catalyst Chapter 15

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy. The characters belong to the ABC/Shonda

No copyright infringement intended.

It was Monday morning. For most it was the beginning of the work week, but for him it was the beginning of the second most anticipated moment of his life. The moment when he would see her again for the first time since he told her that he loved her. The first had been his graduation from Med. school, but that was many years ago. He hadn't tried to contact her over the weekend because he wanted to give her time to think, and to accept just what those words really meant. If he was honest with himself he would admit that he too, needed time to think and to absorb and accept the true meaning of those words. They weren't planned, and even though he had known for quite some time how he felt about her, he had resisted the temptation to tell her.

For him, telling her, meant that he was committing to a relationship with her, but he wasn't sure if she was ready for such a relationship. Her attitude toward men was somewhat cavalier. To her they were as disposable as a used syringe. He didn't know what caused her to be like that, and he suspected that he was the first man to get close to her in a very long time. Still, he knew that he hadn't yet begun to scratch the surface of her existence. But given the chance, he would guide her to that place where she would feel free to be herself, and she would know that love wasn't something to be feared or shy away from. It doesn't come with a guarantee or an owner's manual, but ultimately, it's a chance we all have to take, and sometimes we get lucky.

There were some things that he knew for sure. He knew that she had deep feelings for him, he wasn't quite sure if it was love. He knew that there were moments when they were together, that she would let her guards down and he would get a tiny glimpse of the real woman. Mostly those moments would come when they were making love and to him that wasn't good enough. He wanted the woman behind the passion. The woman who glowed in the aftermath of their lovemaking and slept with her head on his chest. She, who stood in the greyness of the early dawn and admitted that she was more concerned about the price he would have to pay, if it was known that they were seeing each other.

He could have told her that he loved her during those moments, but he wanted her to understand that loving her, and making love to her, though intricately intertwined, were two different things. He would love her regardless. He loves her regardless.

Was love enough? He had no answer to that question. Until now, he was just someone to whom she could run whenever she felt scared or alone. The secret friend who knew some of her weaknesses but didn't use it against her. Someone with whom she shared moments that were so intimate that at times it brought them both to tears. Those tears that each thought was private, shed only in the darkness of night, in his bed, under his sheets. Only, they were never private, because she knew, and he knew, for they had both tasted the saltiness of those intermingled tears, running down each other's cheeks, a clear symbol of passion so intense and wounds not yet healed. Now she knows his true feelings, and all he could do was to wait patiently for her to make the next move, and hope that it would be the right one.

He should have known better than to leave the next move up to her, because it never came. She spent a whole week doing everything she could, to avoid him. And so he retaliated in the only way he knew how. He chose George to assist him with a surgery that he knew that she would have wanted, and continued to pass her over for days. He didn't speak to her directly and on the rare occasions when he did, he looked at her as if he was seeing right through her. Things got worse when Bailey assigned her to him. He in turn assigned her to look after his post op patients and used other interns to assist him in surgery. A confrontation was inevitable, but the way it happened changed the dynamics of their relationship and in essence, their lives.

He was making his final rounds for the day and she was updating him on the condition of his patients. They got to the last patient's room, a Mr James Fletcher who was recovering from open heart surgery. He had suffered a heart attack a few days earlier. Mr Fletcher appeared to be asleep, so after updating Burke on his condition Cristina began to tell him, quite sarcastically, about a conversation she had with Mr. Fletcher's wife.

"You should know that his wife came earlier today and she is not coming back, she left him."

"What do you mean she left him?"

"I mean, she left him Dr. Burke . . . you know, no more washing his clothes, preparing his meals, having sex with him . . . left him."

He looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face. "You seem to know a lot about my patient's personal life, Dr Yang"

She reiterated "well, since I was left to babysit him all day, I had no option but to hear all about his personal life."

"You were not here to babysit him, you were here to make sure that all his medical needs were met."

Cristina continued talking without looking at him. "Do you want to know why she left him?" She didn't wait for him to answer but continued "She left him because she found out that he had his heart attack while having sex with another woman . . . not only that, the other woman is a hooker . . . I think the wife needs an introduction to Mrs Bobbit . . . men are so stupid" By the time she realized what she had said, it was too late. He was staring at her, a look of disgust on his face. She looked away. He had a way of conveying his displeasure to her without saying one single word. But this time she had gone too far, and when he spoke it was biting.

"Dr Yang, leave the room"

"But . . . I" She couldn't get the words out.

"I said leave"

There was a sound coming from the bed and they both looked toward it. Mr Fletcher was wide awake and from his expression, had heard everything that she had said. Cristina looked at Burke

and then back at Mr Fletcher. Suddenly, she was the intern again, looking for her teacher to help her out of a bad situation. He didn't hesitate. He stepped forward, standing between Cristina and the patient then spoke quietly to Mr Fletcher.

"Mr. Fletcher, I see you have improved tremendously since this morning, Dr Yang must have

taken good care of you."

Mr. Fletcher spoke quietly, his voice almost inaudible "Dr. Yang is young and . . . she has no idea what it feels like to have the woman you've been married to for twenty five years tell you, that

she never loved you . . . that every time you made love to her, she fakes an orgasm . . . Maybe Dr Yang has never been in love."

Burke reached behind him and holding on to Cristina's hand gently pulled her forward, then he turned to Mr. Fletcher. "I hope you will forgive us both for that conversation . . . you are our patient and deserve our utmost respect . . . Dr Yang is young, and though it doesn't excuse what she has done, she is an intern and interns sometimes make mistakes. As her teacher, I take full responsibility for that. I can assure you that it won't happen again. Please accept our apologies."

Mr Fletcher smiled, a look of amusement on his face. Dr Burke, he thought, was either an extremely lenient teacher or he was in love with his intern.

They walked out of the room together; Cristina could only marvel at what just transpired in Mr Fletcher's room. She had always respected Burke as a surgeon, always known that he was the best. But a few moments ago in that room, what he did for her, way surpassed anything she expected from him. His professionalism shown through, even though she knew that he was still very upset with her for avoiding him. He took the heat from Mr Fletcher and apologized, but he did even more, for when he reached back to pull her forward he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. A sign of reassurance, which spoke so much to the kind of man that he was.

They walked down the hall and she was about to stop at the Nurses station when he said "Walk with me Dr Yang."

He was trying to get her away from the Nurses station and the prying eyes of the nurses and anyone else who was around. She fell into step with him.

"Is Mr Fletcher going to be ok?" She asked loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Mr. Fletcher will be fine." He answered back

Something in his voice told her that he was not done with her, but was just trying to find a convenient place to yell at her. She knew she had to apologize for her behaviour earlier, and so she started "Burke I'm . . . "

He interrupted her "What, were you thinking?"

"What?" His words and his tone surprised her. He had treated her so nicely in front of Mr Fletcher that his harshness now was unexpected.

"I didn't know that he was awake . . . I"

Again he interrupted her. "Meet me in the on call room in half an hour . . . I have to meet a friend across town in two hours so try not to be late." With that he walked away leaving her standing there, momentarily confused and for some odd reason, on the brink of tears.

Exactly half hour later he walked into the on call room. He was casually dressed and carrying his brief case. It always amazed her to see how different he looked in regular clothes. When he wears his scrubs, he was Dr Burke and it was very hard to see him as anything but. Now, dressed

casually, he was Burke. The Burke who cooked for her and danced with her. She wondered if he

knew the effect he had on people, or if he even cared. He locked the door and stood leaning against it for a few moments. Then he put his briefcase on the chair and walked toward her. She was sitting on the lower bunk, her chin resting in her hands. As he got closer, she got up and faced him.

"Look, Burke, I'm sorry about what happened in Mr Fletcher's room, I . . . I shouldn't have said what I did, but I honestly thought that he was sleeping."

He was looking through her again. "You thought that he was sleeping? What does that mean? That as long as the patient is asleep, you have the right to say whatever you want about his private life? ...Have you learned nothing since you've been here?"

"I was just repeating what his wife told me."

"It doesn't matter what she told you, Cristina, you are his doctor, you . . . "

"No" she countered, "You, are his doctor . . . you operated on him, you make all decisions relating to his care . . . I'm just the person who changes his bed pans and make sure he takes his meds . . . with me around you don't even need nurses."

"So that's what's bothering you? You feel that you're being relegated to a nurse and you can't handle that. Lose the inferiority complex, brush up on your bedside manner and maybe then you'll become, the kind of surgeon, you so desperately want to be . . . You don't engage in conversations like that about a patient and you don't ever suggest that he should get his penis cut off."

"That's not what I said." Cristina shouted, forgetting for a moment that they can be overheard.

"No. . . then explain to me what you meant when you said his wife needed to be introduced to Mrs Bobbit." He realized that his anger toward her had very little to do with Mr Fletcher, and although it pains him, he knew that sometimes, he was going to have to be very tough on her "You need to go back to Mr Fletcher's room and apologize to him."

"But you already did that."

"Yes, but he also needs to hear that you are sorry . . . I'm your teacher, Cristina, I wouldn't be doing my job if I . . . "

She started to laugh sarcastically. "My teacher? ...Is that really who you are to me? ...My teacher was supposed to teach me how to become a good surgeon . . . the best surgeon, instead all I've done all day is clean up crap and listen to you preach about the virtues of your superior morals."

"Cristina"

"Are you forgetting that we are sleeping together? Where were your morals, then?"

"Correction, Cristina, we were sleeping together."

They both became silent. Each had said things that were hurtful to the other. He sat on the bed, disappointed in himself for reacting that way. In his pocket he could feel his phone vibrating but

he didn't answer it. He looked at his watch. He was going to be late for his appointment.

His phone continued to vibrate and he took it from his pocket, looked to see who was calling then answered. The conversation was very brief. He told the caller that he was going to be a few minutes late then ended the call.

By now she had returned to sitting on the bed, her hands folded in her lap. He reached out and took one of her hands in his. She tried to pull away but he held on firmly. He got off the bed, knelt down on the floor in front of her, and tilted her chin so she was looking right at him.

"We can't fight like this, especially not here."

She didn't respond but he could see tears glistening in her eyes. He didn't want her to cry, it would humiliate her and he didn't want to do that. He sat next to her on the bed, still holding her hands.

"What's wrong with us, Cristina? ... I told you that I loved you and you had nothing to say . . . Don't you understand, . . . I love you."

She said nothing but the tears she was trying so hard to contain, came streaming down her face. He let her chin go and ran his fingers through her hair, pulling it back behind her ears so that her face became more visible, then with his bare hands he wiped away her tears, and while he did that he spoke to her.

"Who am I to you Cristina? Tell me because I'm not sure anymore, . . . I'm not just your teacher, and we both know that . . . But I don't want to be just the man you have sex with once in a while . . . I want more . . . I want you. I want to be able to go out with you, in public without having to worry about being seen. I want to be able to bring you flowers without worrying that you may throw them back in my face. I love you, but I don't even know where you live and I don't have your phone number. I want to think that you care, even just a little, but given the circumstances I can't help but to think that maybe you want things to remain just the way they are. I want you, and if you don't want me then we're just wasting our time."

He left the room, and she stayed there for a few more minutes, then dried her tears and got ready to leave the room. It was then that she heard the buzzing sound of a phone vibrating, she looked on the bed and lying right next to her was his cell phone.


	16. Chapter 16

Catalyst Chapter 16

I have no interest in grey's Anatomy, Characters are borrowed... no copyright infringement intended.

The Poem, I like my body when its with yours, was written by E.E. Cummings

She entered the room quietly. Mr Fletcher was laying in the same position he was earlier that evening. His eyes were closed and again he appeared to be sleeping but she wasn't fooled this time. She got close to him, checked his IV, picked up a book that he had been reading that had fallen to the floor. Then she straightened his pillow. Mr fletcher didn't open his eyes but she began to talk anyway. She told him that she was sorry for her behaviour earlier and that it wouldn't happen again. Mr Fletcher made no comment, but just as she was beginning to believe that he was really asleep, he spoke. "You're a fine doctor, young lady, and someday you'll be a fine surgeon." She looked at him and nodded her head and he continued, "you have a fine teacher in Dr Burke too, but I think he'll make an even better boyfriend . . . who knows, maybe even husband."

"He's not my boyfriend." She said harshly, causing her patient to flinch a little.

Mr Fletcher smiled "He isn't? ...Then, maybe he should be . . . I think he loves you."

"I think your medication is getting to you" She started, but then she remembered that the reason she was there in the first place, was because of her penchant for being brutally honest with her patients and so she said quietly, "he doesn't love me"

"How can you say that . . . the man would protect you with his life . . . You know, I loved my wife, . . . still do. You might wonder how I could say that and still cheat on her . . . My wife started taking me for granted . . . She sleeps in a separate room, doesn't even look nice for me anymore . . . She doesn't have sex with me anymore . . . So I get my comfort elsewhere . . . I'm not having an affair, Dr. Yang, The woman I was with is a paid escort . . . Twice a month she goes out with me. Sometimes to a movie, sometimes we just sit in the hotel room, watch Tv . . . talk. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes . . . " She cut him off

"I don't need to hear this."

"I think you do" Mr fletcher continued. "I think you believe that I have committed a sin for what I did, but haven't you ever done anything that could be considered against protocol?"

"To believe in sin one must first believe in god " she answered "and I don't"

"What do you believe in, Dr.Yang?"

She hesitated for a moment and then she answered " I believe in medicine, I believe in me, and I believe that institutions are for crazy people and prisoners, so if you chose to enter the institution of marriage, you should stick it out . . . it was your choice."

"You're harsh"

"No, I'm not harsh. I'm honest."

"What would you do if you were in my shoes?"

"I wouldn't cheat on the person I love."

"No, but if you neglect him" Mr Fletcher explained, "he might cheat on you."

She said good night to Mr Fletcher and quickly left the room, but the patient's last statement kept playing over and over in her head, "if you neglect him, he might cheat on you." For some reason Burke came to her mind, but she didn't have much time to reflect on her personal situation, her pager went off, she was needed in the ER.

Hours later she arrived back at the on call room. The hospital was finally quieted down. She was tired but couldn't sleep. As she lay on the bed, she felt the hardness of his cell phone pressing against her leg. She removed it from her pocket and without knowing why, she started to scroll down on his list of callers. From the list it seems that his was a very busy number. She noticed that for some calls, there was a name instead of a number. The name appeared several times and was the last caller. The name was Noelle.

It took a while for her to realize that the phone was ringing, when she picked up to see who was calling it said home. When she answered, he didn't sound surprise to hear her, instead he asked.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine . . . You don't seem surprise that I answered your phone."

"I'm not, I knew where I left it." He sounded strange, a little sad

"Oh, So that was on purpose?"

"Yes"

"Why"

"I had to leave so quickly and we didn't get to talk. I needed a way of contacting you without going through the hospital"

"I think we've done enough talking tonight."

"No, we didn't talk, Cristina, we had a fight tonight, we need to talk."

"I went to see your patient, Mr Fletcher. I apologized for what I said."

"Don't change the subject"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I can't tell you what to say Cristina. If I have to tell you what to say then it's not worth it, we're not worth it."

"What are you saying?" She sounded sad, as if she knew for the first time that he was frustrated with their situation and was on the verge of giving up.

"I'm saying that I can't do this alone . . . You'll have to meet me half way . . . if you can't . . . if you don't want to, then we should end this."

Stunned, she said nothing. It had always been her thing to want to quit, to run away, but not him. He was always consistent, always wanting to give her all the time she needed, she didn't understand the sudden change. So as usual the flight instinct set in, and she flew with it.

"I'll leave your phone at the third floor nurses station. I'll just tell them you dropped it in Fletcher's room"

"Don't do that." Steady as his voice was, it was impossible to miss the slight tremor in it. He continued " what time do you get off work tomorrow"

"In the morning, after rounds."

"Can you drop the phone off here for me? I'm not in tomorrow and it would save me a trip."

"Ok"

There was a sadness in her voice that he hadn't heard before, and he knew that regardless of their situation, he had to comfort her.

"Cristina"

"What"

"A good surgery cannot ever replace having someone in your life who loves you . . . Fight for us."

"I'm tired"

"So am I . . . Good night Cristina."

"Goodnight."

Not wanting to be the first to hang up, he waited for her to end the call but she didn't. She had a way of tossing and turning in bed whenever she was upset about anything, and he could hear the creaking sound of the bed as she turned. He picked up a book that he had been reading before he called her. It was a book of poetry, and he selected one and began to read out loud.

"_I like my body when it is with your_

_body. It is so quite a new thing._

_Muscles better and nerves more._

_I like your body, ...I like what it does,_

_I like its hows, ...I like to feel the spine_

_of your body and its bones, and the trembling_

_firm-smoothness and which I will _

_again and again and again_

_kiss,... I like kissing this and that of you, _

_I like slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz _

_of your electric fur, and what -is-it comes_

_over parting flesh...And eyes big love-crumbs_

_and possibly I like the thrill _

_of under me you so quite new._

The poem ended and he listened but all he heard was the rhythmic sound of snores as she sleeps.


	17. Chapter 17

Catalyst Chapter 17

I have no interest in Grey's Anatomy. Characters are borrowed, no copyright infringement intended

Morning came and she rushed through rounds and without changing out of her scrubs, she drove directly to his apartment. The door was answered immediately, as if he was just sitting there, towel around his neck, waiting for her to come. When he opened the door there was a bag packed and waiting there. She looked at the bag and then at him, and before she could ask the question, he answered.

"The chief was invited to a medical conference in New York, but because of a scheduling conflict, asked me to go instead. I leave today."

She reached in her pocket, took out his phone and handed it to him, "have a safe trip" she said and turned to walk away, but he held onto her hand and gently pulled her inside the apartment.

"I made breakfast. Are you hungry?"

"What is it with you and always feeding me? ...It's as if you're trying to get me fat or something."

"That would be a beautiful sight someday" he said "but not now." He spoke without thinking but when he realized that she was looking at him strangely. He changed the subject.

He asked her to sit for a moment and she sat at the table while he poured her a cup of coffee then sat in the chair next to her. He reached out and took both her hands in his and said

"Thank you for bringing my phone . . . You should stay here today and sleep . . . Don't drive home when you're this tired. He opened her hand, placed a key in her palm and closed her fingers around it. "This is a key to my apartment" he said . . . "You don't need my permission to use it. Come whenever you like, whether I'm here or not."

He got, up and leaving her there staring at the coffee, he headed for the bedroom and started to get dressed for his trip. He had his pants on and with his shirt in hand, he went to the window. Looking out and in deep thought he didn't hear her come in. She came up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her forehead in the centre of his back. There was so much she wanted to say to him but couldn't find the words.For a moment he didn't move and neither did she, but he brought his hands to cover hers and they stayed in that position until unable to control himself any longer, he turned around and kissed her.

The kiss was unlike anything she had ever experienced with him before. He was forceful, not rough but not gentle either. When she opened her mouth, he entered and she could feel her knees getting weaker, and he wouldn't let her breathe but she wasn't sure if she wanted to. She reached up to hold on to something, anything . . . his shirt . . . a towel, but there was nothing there, his chest was bare. She wrapped her arms around his neck, a feat which offers some difficulty as he was so much taller than her. Their tongues tangled and deep in her stomach she could feel her body reacting to his. An indescribable need to feel his body joined with hers. His lips travelled to her neck, giving her time to breathe but she became the aggressor and this time it was her tongue infiltrating his mouth, he who gasped and moaned and was rendered breathless. They took turns, as if no one wanted to end the kiss and then when they could kiss no longer, when their lips began to ache and swell from all the friction, he picked her up gently and took her to bed.

Late in the afternoon she awoke, momentarily unaware of where she was. Then it quickly dawned on her that she was in his apartment, and that he wasn't there. She checked the clock on the night stand. She had been asleep for almost eight hours. He was probably already in New York. On his pillow there was a note and on top of it, the key that he had given her earlier that morning. The note said that he would be away for three to four days and that he loved her.

Getting up, she walked toward the bathroom. She was now wearing his shirt. He must have put it on her afterwards. She undressed and entered the shower. She washed her hair with his shampoo, and stood for long moments under the water, Her body still a little bit sore from the activities of the morning. The memory of the last time she was in this shower came flooding back to her. He was there with her, holding her, scrubbing her clean and afterwards making love to her. Now, he wasn't there and she missed him.

She never expected to miss him so much, in fact she never expected to miss him at all. It had only

been a few hours since he left, but she couldn't kick the feeling of loneliness. His apartment seemed bare without him, but everywhere she looked there were reminders of him. She was wearing his robe now. It kept her warm and it smelled like him, but neither the robe nor scent could replace the real person. It was going to be a long four days.

She wanted to feel his arms around her, wanted to hear him say "I love you, Cristina." in that voice that he seems to reserve just for her. She wanted to feel his touch, and the warmth of his lips upon hers. She touched her lips. They were still very sensitive to the touch. Her mind wandered back to the early morning, and what transpired between them and she smiled, but it was a smile tinged with sadness because she still hadn't told him what he wanted to hear, and her only hope was that her actions spoke loudly and that he understood.

She ate. She wasn't sure if it was breakfast lunch or dinner. It was way past the time for the

first two and a little early for the latter, it didn't matter to her. The meal was prepared by him, left in his fridge for her. Even in his absence, he was still taking care of her. Making sure she ate well, and giving her a key so that she could utilize his apartment if she needed to. It

always was that way. From the very first moment they met. He was her protector, then her

lover. Now he wanted more. She stayed in his apartment all day. She read his books, he had interesting books, and periodically peeked into things she shouldn't. But she felt that by doing so she was getting to know him better. And after all, she thought, if he had anything to hide, he wouldn't have given her the key. She looked at an album of photographs of him ranging from childhood photos to the present. He was a gangly kid whose most outstanding feature was the very prominent cleft in his chin. The pictures tell the story of a little boy named Preston, who had grown from a sweet baby

into the man whom she loves, but unable to convey that to him. There were pictures of him and his parents, and of aunts and uncles and cousins. The album had the work of a woman written all over it. Because only a woman she thought, would be so meticulous about arranging photographs. They were labeled and dated and everyone showed a smiling happy child.

She could see in those photographs, how his childhood may have influenced the kind of man he had become. He seemed to have grown up in a family of women, well dressed, beautiful women. She thought of how different her childhood was from his. She had everything that money could buy and a family who loved her, but she was never as happy as he appeared to be. For always there was someone missing from her family pictures, her father. She closed the album and put it back in its place.

Late in the evening, she went to her apartment, wearing only his shirt, but it was so big on her that no one would know that she was wearing nothing underneath. Her apartment, as usual was a lot different from his. Hers was messy, where his was neat and tidy. She could always find

something to eat in his fridge while hers, except for water, was empty. There was nothing homey

about the place. Nothing that would give anyone the impression that someone actually lives there. Her mother had decorated the place with beautiful expensive furniture, but looking around, it was impossible to see the beauty in it. There were clothes scattered everywhere and newspapers and magazines littered the couch and coffee table. It was just a place for her to get a change of clothing and sometimes a little sleep, but it was not important to her, it wasn't home.

She packed a small bag, put on a pair of jeans, and still wearing his shirt, she left her apartment.

By the time she got back to his place, it was almost midnight. She lay on the bed, this time on his side. She wondered what he was doing in New York, and if he missed her. She had never spent a

night alone in his apartment before, and wasn't sure why she was doing so now. The key she thought, was a test. He was testing her to see how much he could trust her. She wasn't sure whether she should be offended or be thrilled that he would give her such unlimited access to that part of his life. All she knew was that she felt like a fish who was floundering in the water, and that he had caught her and was quickly reeling her in. The problem was, unlike most fishes, she wanted to be reeled in, but the natural urge to resist was always present, and she couldn't fight it.

The following day she went to work, then went back to his apartment at the end of the day. She spent three whole days going from work to his apartment. She never went home and never missed it, but she missed him. It was odd not seeing him at work, not hearing his voice. Not only did his apartment seemed bare without him, but so did the hospital. She did well in his absence. Mr Fletcher was discharged, and she said goodbye to him before he left. Even Meredith and the other interns marvelled at her good mood.

On the fourth day she should have been on call but traded shifts with George. On her way to Burke's place she stopped at a restaurant and ordered take out. She had no idea what time his flight would be in, but something he had said prior to leaving, lead her to believe that it would be a night flight. She showered, and although she had gone to her place for clothes a few days earlier, she put on one of his shirts. She ate, read a little, listened to music and read again.Then around midnight, she went to bed.

Late in the night he arrived home, a little bit jet lagged and tired but happy to be there. The place was in total darkness, except for a dim light coming from the bedroom. He dropped his bags in the hallway and went to the kitchen to get some water. Afterwards, he picked his bags up and headed for the bedroom. The light he had seen earlier was actually coming from outside. The blinds were open. He put the bags down, took off his shoes and was undoing his belt while

heading toward the window, when out of the corner of his eyes he noticed something. He turned around and looked toward his bed. It was already occupied. He stood in the same spot for a moment, not sure if it was shock or delight that rendered him immobile. Then, retracing his steps, he went toward the bed, and gently removed the sheets from her face. She was fast asleep, her hair scattered all over the pillow. He bent down and kissed her gently on her forehead, then pulled the sheets back into place, closed the blinds and left the room.

He showered and trying carefully not to wake her, slid quietly into the bed. He laid there for a long time, unable to sleep. Totally distracted by the woman sleeping next to him. Then it occurred to him that something was different, and then he realized what it was. She snores when she sleeps, but there was no snoring, and he knew that she was awake. He turned the bedside light on, picked up his cell phone and pretended to dial, and then he spoke "Hi it's Dr Burke. You

know that stand still surgery that we have scheduled for tomorrow . . . " Before he could finish, she sat up straight in bed. He put the phone down and started to laugh. Realizing that she'd been had, she grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. He reached out and grabbed her and both fell backwards on the bed.

Then the laughter stopped and he got serious and pulled her closer "I missed you"

"You did"

"Yes"

She was quiet for a moment and then she asked. "Why is it so important for me to say it?"

"It just is." He said quietly, running his fingers through her hair.

Again quietness took over, and out of the blue she said. "Your junior member is poking me again." They both began to laugh and it was a happy carefree laugh. He pulled her closer to him, so close she could feel every muscle spasm, with every move that he made. "Some day" he said, "You're gonna have to find a more appropriate name for that part of my anatomy . . . We've gone from little friend, to junior member, and I'm sure we had a big foot thrown in there somewhere."

"What would you like me to call it?" she asked

"Burke's penis would be good." He responded

"Yeah" she laughed "Burke's penis is very good."

He held her chin and stared into her eyes, something had changed, she seemed happier, more relaxed. "I should go away more often" he said

"No, you shouldn't" she got serious and her demeanor changed."

"Why?" He asked quietly.

"I love you."

He could hardly hear the words but there was no mistaking what she had said. He wanted to make the moment lighter and so he asked.

"Me, ...or my junior member?"

'You." she said firmly

He had waited so long to hear her say it, and now that she has, he was at a loss for words. He breathes in deeply, then kissed her softly on her lips "Thank you" was all he could say, but she had other ideas as she was busy relieving him of his pajamas.

Hours later he awoke to find her sleeping in his arms, her head resting on his chest, hair scattered everywhere. It was early dawn, still dark outside, but soon they'd both have to get up for work. He pulled the sheets up and covered them both. Through the crack in the blinds he got a glimpse of the early morning sky. The stars were aligned perfectly. He thought, and all was well in their world.


End file.
